by Dakota

Kathryn stood near Tom barely listening to the questions the reporters were throwing his way. The two had been surrounded by a sea of journalists eager to get something worth showing on the late news or putting in a written summary.

Kathryn allowed her attention to wander with her eyes as she scanned the large room. She caught Owen Paris scowling at her over his glass of champagne. She raised her glass slightly in mocking salute but didn't drink. His scowl deepened and Kathryn knew he had taken the gesture as she intended. She allowed a slight smile to touch her lips. He was getting exactly what he had demanded. She knew that it was not what he had wanted or expected.

Owen Paris had been given the task of coordinating a celebration commemorating Voyager's return with her crew in attendance. Invitations had been sent out requesting their presence with a memo attached stating that leaves were already approved for that purpose. Kathryn had duly sent her regrets and told any of her crew who asked that she would not be attending. Owen Paris was a wise man. If he forced Kathryn to take leave, she could refuse to attend because she was not on duty. Instead, he ordered her ship back to Earth and also issued orders for Voyager's crew to return to Earth. There were only a few who had left Starfleet he could not control. Kathryn knew all this now for Admiral Paris had called her to his office and explained it in great detail.

"You wanted to see me, Admiral?" Kathryn was cool but polite as she stood before Owen Paris in his office.

"I did, Captain." It had been a long time since he called Kathryn by her rank in private so Kathryn knew he was angry. "You turned down the invitation to the first anniversary of Voyager's return. I'd like to know why."

"I believe I included an explanation with my regrets, Sir."

"I want the truth not some flimsy excuses. Why did you turn it down?"

"I didn't want to celebrate."

"Why?" Owen Paris was barely controlling his anger.

"I won't celebrate without my entire crew."

"They were all invited."

"No. You missed almost one-fourth of my crew. When I celebrate, it will be with them all."

"They aren't your crew, Captain. They never were. They are criminals and terrorists."

"No. They were that eight years ago. For seven years they were my crew and I'm not going to forget that."

"They were your prisoners!"

"They were never my prisoners." Kathryn stopped. She was losing control and bordering on insubordination. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for raising my voice, Admiral. I apparently do not have the ability to explain this properly. Perhaps your son can do better."

"Leave my son out of this!" Admiral Paris snapped out the words.

"As you wish, Sir." Kathryn forced herself to speak without emotion. This was a battle she couldn't win so she refused to fight.

"Are you going to attend the party?"

"No, Sir."

"Then consider it an order, Captain."

"Aye, sir." Kathryn paused knowing she was probably going too far. "Admiral, pursuant to Regulation 4809.32, I request you put that order in writing."

Owen Paris knew his face must be as red as the stripe on his sleeve. "You'll have it by the end of the day, Captain. Dismissed."

Admiral Paris hadn't bothered to discuss the issue with the rest of the crew. He had issued written orders to everyone that was in Starfleet before the end of the day. That night Kathryn had half a dozen visitors and at least a dozen messages, all asking the same question. "What are you going to do?"

Fortunately, Tom was the first to show up and they had time to talk about the situation, giving Kathryn time to think about her answer.

"Captain, what should I do?" Tom's voice was begging her to tell him to disobey orders. "This thing is scheduled for Miral's birthday and my own father is ordering me elsewhere."

"Tom, I can't tell you to disobey orders as much as I would like to do exactly that. You should be spending the day at the rehab colony with Miral and B'Elanna."

"Are you going to go?" Tom challenged Kathryn to admit she was going to disobey those same orders.

Although sorely tempted to skip the celebration despite her orders, she knew that the others would do the same and that was unacceptable. She would not allow her own private battle with command to hurt the others.

"I will follow orders. I will attend the celebration and answer questions if I am asked, but I won’t be celebrating."

"What do you mean?"

"They can make me attend and be polite, but they can't make me eat their food and since I'll be attending pursuant to orders and will therefore be on duty, I won't be allowed to drink." Kathryn looked Tom squarely in the eye. 

Tom paused before asking. "Do I have your permission to tell others your plans?"

"If they ask, yes." Her gaze hadn't faltered. "I think we understand each other."

Kathryn stood and moved toward the replicator, clearly finished with that subject. "Now, tell me about Miral."

Kathryn had smiled during the opening minutes of the celebration when Admiral Paris had asked Samantha Wildman where Naomi was. Sam had respectfully replied that since she was on duty it would have been a violation of regulations to bring her daughter. The admiral had not thought to include Naomi in either the invitation or Sam's orders. It was also his first inkling of what was to come that evening.

As the evening progressed, Kathryn could see the Council President and Commander in Chief becoming curious then frustrated. Voyager's captain and crew were perfect examples of Starfleet officers. They mingled politely among the press and diplomats present, answering questions and holding the obligatory glass of champagne.

Only when they sat down for the formal dinner did the guests notice that no one from Voyager's crew was eating and that their glasses were full. When asked if the meal was not satisfactory, they replied that they were not hungry. When asked about their drinks, they said that they were on duty and drinking on duty was prohibited.

After dinner, there were a few speeches and a toast to their success. After the formalities were completed, the group adjourned to the main ballroom. There the press quickly centered around a few of Voyager's officers, asking them a long string of boring questions. Most of the questions could be answered with a single word and that is all the answer that was offered.

They had been focused on Tom for nearly ten minutes and one brave soul decided to try to get more from the captain herself. "Captain Janeway, does it seem like a year since you returned?"

"No, it doesn't." Kathryn smiled slightly as she spoke.

"How does it feel to be home again?"

"It's a good feeling." Kathryn continued to smile as she gave the answers they all expected.

"Are you enjoying getting together with your entire crew again?"

Kathryn had been waiting for a question like that. "My entire crew isn't here so I'm afraid I can't answer that question."

"We were told that only a few were unable to attend."

"Nearly one-quarter of my crew is not here. I would hardly call that a few." Kathryn was not going to back down. The press had been led around all evening with a well-rehearsed fiction. She would tell them the truth now that they had asked.

Convinced that the captain must be mistaken or that Starfleet was hiding something, the reporter persisted. "Could you tell us who is absent?"

Kathryn glanced at Tom before she started. "Lieutenant Paris's wife for one, B'Elanna Torres. The others include Ayala, Carlson, Chell, Dalby, Doyle, Gerron, Henley, Jackson, Jarvin, Jor," Kathryn glanced around noting that many of the admiralty had moved within hearing range but her voice never faltered as she continued the list. "O'Donnell, Tabor, Yosa and my first officer for seven years, Chakotay.

"You mean the Maquis. It was my understanding that they are not considered part of your crew."

"They are part of my crew. For seven years, they followed my orders, served on my ship and struggled as hard as anyone in this room to get us home. Starfleet may not recognize them as officers or enlisted personnel but I did. They were part of my crew for seven years and it's going to take more than a year back home to make me forget them."

The reporters were silent as Kathryn's words rang across the now silent room. She could feel a dozen pairs of eyes staring at her with undisguised anger and knew that her career in all probability was finished.

"In five months and three weeks, the last of my former crew will be released from prison. Ask me then what it's like to be with my entire crew again. That's when we'll all be home. That's when I'll celebrate with my crew."

Deciding she had made her point Kathryn decided to direct the attention elsewhere.

"There is also another person who came back with us on Voyager but who isn't here tonight. She's celebrating her first birthday today but her father and grandfather are here instead. Perhaps Admiral Paris can explain the reasons for that to you."

Kathryn knew she had struck a low blow with her comment but it was time for the press and Starfleet to see her crew as people not heroes. She nodded at Admiral Paris again as the press closed around him asking about Miral.

Kathryn quietly slipped away from the ballroom and headed for her quarters. As she slipped across the compound, she looked at the sky. It was late August and the sky was bright despite the city's lights. A meteor flashed for a few seconds before fading.

She and the meteor had a lot in common. Kathryn nodded in satisfaction and headed home to pack. She was definitely going out in a blaze of glory.