by Dakota

The movement of Kathryn leaving their bed woke Chakotay.  The rush of cold air brought back the events of the previous days and the harsh reality that marked the end of a memorable night.

Voyager had discovered a star system with two inhabited planets – one warp and one pre-warp.  The fact that the warp capable society, who called their planet Kindana, had allowed the other to continue developing at its own pace was remarkable.  Initially, Voyager had avoided the pre-warp planet but had learned quickly that a trade arrangement had been worked out over the years for some of their minerals.  The Kindanans simply sent a ship to land near the sea in a remote area and then hiked over a mountain pass to the nearest village.  The local people were accustomed to unusual visitors showing up from 'across the sea' and were quite happy to trade with them.

Kathryn had quickly decided that they should try to trade for supplies with the pre-warp society on Viirf as well.  She and Chakotay would deal with the Viirf, leaving Tuvok to complete the arrangements with the Kindanans.  Since the Kindanans had only the beginnings of transporter technology, it was not developed to the point where it was safe to transfer people but was used only for bulk inanimate material, Voyager had been using the shuttles and Delta Flyer to travel to the surface because Kathryn did not want to risk another struggle to retain transporter technology; one struggle had been enough. Tom and the other pilots were busy ferrying people down and back for shore leave. What the Kindanans lacked in transporter technology they more than made up for in their ability to track craft and objects of all kinds anywhere near either Kindana or Viirf, so there was no point in taking Voyager to Viirf since they would have had to use a shuttle to transport to the surface anyway to avoid giving away the capabilities of their transporter, so she and Chakotay had taken one of the smaller shuttles and made the journey to Viirf.

They had landed the shuttle higher in the mountains than recommended to reduce the distance to the local village. Winter was coming to the area and the mountains were extremely cold although the temperatures in the valley where the village was located were more moderate.  Chakotay scanned the surrounding area for plant and animal life and found only a limited variety of both. Most of the animals seemed to have headed to lower ground for the winter. Kathryn had rechecked the shuttle's systems and trade supplies. The shuttle's storage areas had been stripped days earlier while it was ferrying people to and from shore leave so there was room for their souvenirs and left empty for their journey so they could store trade goods.

Chakotay's stomach rumbled and Kathryn glanced at him.  "You waiting for me to volunteer to cook?"

"No, ma'am!" The banter made them both smile. "Stew and cornbread with honey to accompany your coffee sound all right?"

"Sound wonderful. Just looking outside makes me cold."  Kathryn shivered slightly at the thought as Chakotay moved toward the replicator. "Is there a program for baked apples, too?"

The shuttle offered none of the fancier amenities such as tables so they sat at the control panels while they ate. Chakotay caught Kathryn up on crew gossip and related Tom's latest scheme.  They debated whether they should interfere yet, but Chakotay convinced Kathryn that this one would probably backfire on him.

"So, what were the odds of our relationship changing on this jaunt together?" Kathryn's question caught Chakotay by surprise. Usually they both pretended they didn't know about Tom's betting pools.

"Not much action, I guess. Apparently only a few people still think it could happen on this trip.  Either they've all given up that idea or they've spent their rations on the surface." Chakotay knew that the former was the more likely reason. He wondered if he was the only one who still hoped there was any possibility of Kathryn changing her mind about their personal relationship. It certainly seemed that way.

Kathryn accepted his answer without comment as she stared out the window. Chakotay followed her eyes. Sunset was approaching and it promised to be beautiful. Suddenly Kathryn stood up.  "Come on, let's go find a place with a better view to watch the sunset."

"It's cold out there, Kathryn, and we only have coats and boots, not cold weather survival gear."

"I know, but we won't be out long. It's been a long time since we've watched a sunset together."  Her words reminded Chakotay of New Earth's sunsets and ended his arguments. He gathered his dishes and dropped them at the replicator on his way to the storage locker with their coats.  Because of the temperature outside, they used the airlock rather than opening the main door at the rear of the shuttle.

Once outside they made their way carefully along the trail toward the coast. When they reached an overlook about a kilometer along the path, they found a flat rock and waited while the sun slowly approached the horizon. It seemed to move in slow motion compared to Earth's sunsets because of the slower rotation of the planet.  As it finally dipped towards the water, Kathryn spoke, "People used to say you could hear it sizzle if you listened closely enough."

As Chakotay listened for the sizzle, he became aware of a rumble behind them. He stood and turned to look but could see nothing. Kathryn was on her feet and moving toward the sound when he grabbed her arm. "Wait!"

"What? We have to check the shuttle."

"Not until whatever is happening is over. It might not be safe yet. Besides, I think it was beyond the shuttle."

Kathryn yielded reluctantly to his wisdom only because he refused to release her arm. Once the rumble had died, she tugged her arm trying to free it from his grasp. "It's quiet now. Let's go."

Chakotay stepped around her before he released her so he could lead the way back to the shuttle, the sunset forgotten. As they approached the shuttle's location, both began to hope that it had not been affected by whatever had caused the rumble, but their hopes were dashed when they finally saw the shuttle. It had been caught at the very bottom edge of a landslide. It was surrounded by lots of small rocks and several larger boulders.

From a distance the shuttle appeared undamaged, but as they approached they saw the crack in the forward screen. When they checked the other side of the shuttle, they found more damage.  Their external antenna had been crushed and a boulder was embedded in the hull located next to the shuttle's central computer. Without the computer they had lost all the systems on the shuttle, the most important of which were heat and communications. Chakotay wasn't sure at first they could even get into the shuttle but fortunately the manual controls on the airlock were working.

Once inside they were surprised at how little was damaged. A few things, like their dinner dishes and tricorders, were on the floor but only the lack of interior lighting and the temperature gave any indication that more serious damage had been done. Quickly they busied themselves checking systems, hoping to find something working. Chakotay started with communications while Kathryn checked the engines.

"Well, even if we had a functioning computer I don't think we could contact Voyager tonight without the external antenna.  Our combadges should be sufficient once we're on the side of the planet facing Kindana, which should be about eighteen hours from now."

Kathryn appeared from the rear of the shuttle dragging something. "The ship's engines are reparable but it will take a few days and half the engineering staff to do it. I checked the emergency storage area by the main engines.  We're in luck. Those supplies are still there, such as they are. We have some emergency rations and water plus half a dozen blankets and two sleeping bags." She pushed the sleeping bags toward Chakotay and turned to get the rest of the supplies.

When she returned, Chakotay spoke. "These sleeping bags aren't rated below 0°C. Even with the blankets we're not going to be able to stay warm tonight."

"They'll keep us warm if we put one inside the other."

"I thought we only had these two.  Where are the others?"

"There aren't any others."  Kathryn spoke calmly but both could feel the tension in the air as she stated the obvious.  "We'll have to share."

"You're sure?"

"If you mean about two sleeping bags being warm enough, no, but it's our best bet.  If you mean about sharing, I'm sure."

"You know the rest of the survival drill about clothing?"

"I know."

"All right." Chakotay accepted her decision.

The dwindling light delayed their work, so it took about half an hour to arrange the sleeping bags and blankets. Chakotay crawled in first and zipped the bags partly closed then endured Kathryn's wiggling to settle next to him before zipping the bags closed. He then turned to face the wall trying to ignore the feel of her back pressed to his and forced himself to sleep.

Sometime during the night, Chakotay was awakened by a cold hand making contact with his chest as an equally chilled arm reached around him. He could feel Kathryn shivering behind him. He turned and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to his body. Kathryn pressed into his warmth and slowly stopped shivering. Chakotay failed in his effort to go back to sleep and settled instead on controlling his breathing and body, and tried to ignore the woman in his arms.  That woman was not trying to ignore the source of warmth; rather she was savoring the warmth and the arms surrounding her, wondering how he could sleep. Gradually she became aware of the fact that he was not ignoring her, but was in fact all too aware of her presence.

"Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"For one night, can we forget Voyager and our responsibilities and be just a man and a woman enjoying each other with no regrets and no promises?"

The minutes dragged while Kathryn waited for Chakotay's answer. She knew he thought she would have regrets and that he wanted promises of more than one night. Finally he answered, not with words, but with his hands as they moved to remove what little clothing she was wearing.

Another rush of cold air and cold feet next to his brought Chakotay fully awake. Kathryn quickly zipped the bag up and turned into Chakotay's arms.

"It's cold out there!" Kathryn pressed against his body searching for warmth. She ran her cold hands down his back chuckling as his skin flinched at her touch. "You didn't flinch when I touched you a few hours ago."

"Your hands weren't cold then either."

"Then warm me up again." At his hesitation she spoke again, "It's still the same night, Chakotay."

Neither slept again that night. In silence they watched the night slowly brighten to day as the sun appeared. About two hours before they could expect to contact Voyager on their communicators, Chakotay spoke. "Any regrets?"

"Yes. I regret that the night is over." Kathryn's answer was unexpected.

"It doesn't have to be."

"Please, let it be. I want to remember the sharing not that it ended, and I want to savor these last minutes together. What's the old term for this feeling, the afterglow?"

"Sounds appropriate." They made small talk for a few minutes and settled into comfortable silence. Chakotay broke the silence after about fifteen minutes.

"Are your boosters current?"

"No. Do I want to ask about yours?"

"I don't think so. How at risk are we?"

Kathryn thought a moment and did some mental counting. "Very." Both remained silent as they contemplated the ramifications of a few simple facts. Again it was Chakotay who broke the silence.

"What will you do if you're pregnant? Will you even tell me?"

"You talk like it will be my decision alone."

"It will be. You know me and you know what I would want, so it would be your decision. I think you might decide you didn't want the baby and not tell me so I wouldn't feel the loss."

"I hadn't thought that far ahead, but it is a possibility… if I decided not to keep the baby."

"And if you decided to keep the baby, what then? Where would I fit in?"

"As the baby's father, of course. Not only would I not keep you away from your child, I would expect you to help raise him or her."

"From separate quarters?" Chakotay's words challenged Kathryn to consider more than just their theoretical child. "As parents who wanted a child but who didn't care enough about each other to live together?"

"We have responsibilities. Besides, we've never tried to make a personal relationship work."  Even as she spoke, Kathryn realized that was worse than having failed in the attempt.  Chakotay had never pushed her this far, so he just let her think about what she had said. Finally Kathryn continued. "I suppose if I say we can try to make a personal relationship work on Voyager if I'm pregnant, you will say using the baby as the only reason is a bad idea and unfair to the baby.  Then I would say the baby wouldn't be the only reason, and you would say 'then why wait for a baby to be together?' Did I miss anything?"

"Only how we feel about each other and the impact on Voyager."  Kathryn turned into his arms.  Chakotay knew how he felt and after last night was pretty sure Kathryn returned his love.  "Kathryn, our feelings won't change and our decisions won't be affected, at least not anymore than they already have been. We're stronger—Voyager is stronger—together than separate.  That's been true since the Caretaker's array and it will be true for a long time to come. So it's still your decision."

"If I say I want to try to make it work, how will either of us ever be sure I didn't make that decision because I thought I might be pregnant?"

"I didn't exactly say my boosters weren't current, Kathryn, only that you didn't want to know.  They are current so the possibility of you getting pregnant last night is remote."

"You mean you...?" Anger and indignation struggled for dominance in Kathryn leaving no room for coherent sentences.

"I got you thinking, Kathryn, nothing more. I love you. I want more nights like last night and more mornings like this one. I want to hold your hand in the corridors; I want to steal kisses in the turbolift; and I want the crew to be interrupting something other than crew evaluations when we're alone in your quarters. That's what I want and what I think we can have, but you have to decide if it's what you want and whether you are willing to try to make it our reality instead of a dream."

"We'd risk what we have."

"Kathryn, your cup is half empty and all you see is the possibility of losing what's in it. Mine is half full and I see the possibility of filling it completely."

"I'll think about it, seriously. Until I decide, we stick with our one night, no regrets, no promises."

"All right. Let me know when you've decided."

"I will."

"I'm going to get dressed now. We should be in range of Voyager in about half an hour. Once I'm out, you might be able to dress in the sleeping bag. No point getting cold if you can avoid it."

An hour later they were wrapped in blankets and eating a hot breakfast aboard the Delta Flyer which had landed on the beach near the damaged shuttle. They had filled Tom and Ayala in on their status. Tuvok had kept Voyager in orbit around Kindana to complete the formalities of the trade agreement and would be arriving at Viirf in a few hours to beam the damaged shuttle to Voyager.

When they finished eating, Kathryn grabbed a padd and established a link with Voyager's computer to download some files. She sat busily working on something for about half an hour while the others allowed Tom to talk them into a game or two of poker. Finally as they were finishing a hand, Kathryn walked over and handed the padd to Tom.

"I hope you haven't lost too much, Tom, because you're going to be paying off a lot of bets when Voyager gets here."

"What?"

"You have a lot of open pools and that padd contains the information that will close most of them."  Kathryn met Chakotay's eyes and held out her coffee mug to him.

"My cup is half full, would you mind filling it the rest of the way for me?"
 
 

Where did I get the title?

Peter Yarrow
©1972 Mary Beth Music

They say that the tree of loving
Shine on me again
They say it grows on the bank of the river of suffering
Shine on me again, and

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine out of the falling rain
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow, fill my cup again

If only I could heal your sorrow
Shine on me again
I'd help you to find your new tomorrow
Shine on me again

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine out of the falling rain
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow, fill my cup again

I've seen the steel and the concrete crumble
Shine on me again
The proud and the mighty all have stumbled
Shine on me again

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine out of the falling rain
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow, fill my cup again

Only you can climb that mountain
Shine on me again
If you want a drink from the golden fountain
Shine on me again

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine out of the falling rain
Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow, fill my cup again.