by Dakota

B'Elanna entered Sandrine's and looked around.  Tom and Kathryn were at the pool table in the middle of a game while most of the occupants looked on, wondering if this were the game that Tom finally won.  She scanned the crowd and finally saw the person she was looking for off at a table in the corner.  Chakotay sat alone silently watching the two at the pool table.

B'Elanna crossed to the bar and spoke quietly to Sandrine.  "Give me two of whatever the Commander is drinking."

Sandrine contemplated B'Elanna a moment before busying herself with the request. She brought the drinks to B'Elanna and set them on the counter. "He loves you, mon chérie, and you love him. Why do you fight it?"

"I don't know."

B'Elanna made her way to Chakotay's table and set down his drink next to him. "Mind if I join you?"

Chakotay started at the sound of the glass touching the table. He turned to look up at B'Elanna.  "No, of course not. Sit down if you like but I don't think I'll be such good company this evening."

"She's keeping her distance again?"

Chakotay's only response was to drain his first glass and start on the one B'Elanna had brought him.

A laugh from across the room told them that the captain had won yet another game against Tom. Kathryn walked to a table and picked up her coffee cup. Tom made some comment as she set it down.  She laughed then nodded for Tom to rack the balls again.

B'Elanna and Chakotay had watched the exchange in silence.

"Chakotay?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't we ever get together?"

"What do you mean?" Chakotay pretended to misunderstand her question hoping she would drop it.

"Why did we never get involved with each other?"

"We're friends, B'Elanna, good friends."

"I mean why have we never moved past friendship? You've known me for years. We're both rebels of sorts. You never had problems getting involved with your crew like Captain Janeway."

"I don’t know, B. I guess I'm not smart enough to pick someone who's good for me. Or maybe that old cliché is the reason – I respect you too much."

"Respect? You were never interested in me because you respect me? I'm more likely to believe you respected my right hook if you lost interest in me later."

"Ok, so it isn't respect between us. I noticed you though on my ship. I won't lie to you, I've thought about pursuing a relationship for you, but it never seemed to be the right time. First there was Seska."

"Seska!" B'Elanna's tone conveyed her distaste and repulsion.

"Yes, Seska. You two once got along fairly well. I would have even said you were friends. She was older than you though and you seemed vulnerable back in those days. Not weak, but vulnerable, and I didn't want to be the one who hurt you. Seska was easy and safe. I didn't have to put my heart or hers at risk. I will admit I thought I had her loyalty but that had nothing to do with having sex with her. In the end, she hurt my pride. You would not have been safe. If I had turned to you instead, I think you would have hurt my heart."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I love you, B. You know that. Over the years, you've become like family to me, not like the rest of this crew has become family, but really family. You're one of the people who will be with me through good times and bad.  We will love each other in thirty years the way we love today, no matter who else we love." Chakotay and B'Elanna both glanced toward the pool table.  They watched Tom chatting and grinning at Kathryn as they took a break in the middle of the game. Tom wandered over to the bar to get a drink and snacks. He set them on the table they were using and returned to the game. "Now, you tell me why we never got involved."

"Me? I asked you the question."

"But you know part of the answer."

"Well, we have a lot in common – as I said, we're both rebels. We both left Starfleet and joined the Maquis. We both love someone who doesn't seem to return that love."

"Stick to us, B'Elanna."

"Ok. We are also different, I guess. I have a lousy temper and sometimes it seems like you never get angry. You can wear that uniform a lot easier than I can but I am getting used to it. You're good with people, at keeping everyone working smoothly together. I'm not. It seems like we should balance each other. What we share should make us stronger together and our differences should compliment each other."

"For a lot of couples, that seems to be true. But I think we're different in the wrong ways, B'Elanna. The uniform really does fit me and my values. I only gave it up because it stopped representing those values. You left it behind because you have trouble fitting into the slots they asked you to fill. You don't need someone who doesn't get angry. You need someone who will fight back – but in love not in anger, someone who loves you because of that temper, not someone who loves you in spite of it."

"Maybe." B'Elanna glanced at the pool table where Tom and Kathryn were laughing and talking. Tom had started tossing jellybeans onto the table to distract Kathryn. She ignored them and Tom until she had taken her shot, then she gathered them up and popped them in her mouth. They seemed perfectly attuned as they continued the game. "I still think life would be easier if we got together. We'd be good together."

"Easier? Probably. Good together? I'm sure of it. But happier? No, we wouldn't be happier. We'd both be miserable because we'd know we didn't love each other the way we should." Chakotay finished his drink as he watched Kathryn put down her cue and head for the bar. "Hasn't he told you he loves you yet?"

"No. I'm beginning to think he doesn't. Some days I feel like nothing but a willing female."

"I know he's a smooth talker most of the time, but I think he's afraid to admit his feelings to you.  He might not even be aware just how much he cares. Give him time."

B'Elanna glanced back to the table as everyone laughed again. Apparently, Tom had just missed an easy shot because of something the captain said.

"Do you ever wonder about them?"

"You mean as a couple?"

"Yes."

"For a few days after we first came on board I wondered but since then, no. They're friends and both were raised in Starfleet.  It can't be easy being the child of an admiral. They had to endure the same things as children including very high expectations. They just reacted to those experiences differently. You don't have to worry about competition from Kathryn when it comes to Tom. She likes him, nothing more and believe it or not, she is a tie to his family for him. Family is important to Tom even if he doesn't act like it."

"I know. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"She hasn't said anything yet has she?"

"No. After nearly six years I don't expect her to."

"Why don't you start seeing someone else? There are half a dozen women on the crew who would jump at the chance."

"I'm not ready to give up, B. Besides, I can't change the way I feel anymore than you can. We're both stuck loving a Starfleet brat. Don't worry about me."

Tom approached. "Am I allowed to join you two?"

Chakotay stood. "I'm leaving anyway, Lieutenant. Good night, B'Elanna. See you both in the morning."

"Thanks, Chakotay. I'll think about what you said."

Chakotay left them and headed for the door, managing to time his steps so he reached the exit at the same time as Kathryn. He held out his arm and tilted his head. She laughingly accepted his arm as she asked. "Trying to make Tom jealous, Commander?"

Chakotay glanced back toward B'Elanna. "No, Captain, just two friends talking."