As It Should Be       by Dakota

"Just how did I let you talk me into this?"

"I gave you a cup of coffee and agreed with all the reasons you don't have time to do this until you said you'd help."

Kathryn and Chakotay were making their way to meet Tom and B'Elanna for the evening. Chakotay had almost dragged her out of the ready room reminding her that since she was hosting the evening, it would be nice if she were in her quarters when her other guests arrived. Kathryn glared at him as the exited the turbolift.

"Why couldn't you get someone else? And how did you know I played bridge anyway?"

"I didn't, but Tom figured you played since all the 'fleet brats he knew had to learn."

They reached Kathryn's quarters just as Tom and B'Elanna appeared at the other end of the corridor. They waited at the door until they joined them, then entered together.

"Captain, I really want to thank you for volunteering to help me learn to play bridge."

"Why do you want to learn, B'Elanna?" Kathryn sat down on the couch and indicated that B'Elanna should join her. She studiously ignored Tom and Chakotay as they set up a card table and got beverages from the replicator.

"It's for when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant. I don't have a lot in common with Tom's family, but I know they all play bridge. It will be one thing I can do with them even if Tom isn't around and it's really important to me that they accept me."

Kathryn's heart went out to B'Elanna. She had finally found a niche where she was comfortable and a man who loved her, yet here she was planning for the future when that niche would disappear. Well, if teaching her a card game made it possible for B'Elanna to build a new niche then Kathryn would do what she could to help her.

"Ladies?" Tom stood at the card table holding out a chair. Kathryn and B'Elanna stood and moved to the table.

"Who am I playing with, Tom?"

"Well, I doubt any of us have played for a while and I don't think Chakotay has played as much as we have so I thought I'd start with him and you could play with B'Elanna."

"Sounds good." Kathryn sat down in the chair opposite the one B'Elanna had chosen. Chakotay joined them with cold beverages for three and hot coffee for one then sat to B'Elanna's left. Tom spread a deck of cards across the table. Tom won the deal and Chakotay and Kathryn both started shuffling a deck. B'Elanna looked confused.

"If Tom won, why do you two have the cards?"

Kathryn glared at Tom. "Didn't you give her any background on this game?"

"No." Kathryn and Chakotay both sighed. Chakotay stood and retrieved a padd from Kathryn's desk to make notes for B'Elanna.

Kathryn launched into the basics of counting points, ranking of suits and the basic etiquette of the game. B'Elanna picked up the basics quickly but became confused with the bidding process. That was made worse by the fact that Chakotay had learned only one bidding convention, a convention Tom didn't know. Finally, Kathryn changed places with Tom to solve that problem. Half an hour later, they had finally finished one hand.

"I don't think I'll be able to learn this game." B'Elanna sounded discouraged and frustrated.

"If Tom can learn it, you certainly can." Chakotay's voice held no sympathy for Tom who had been critical of Chakotay's limited knowledge of the game. "It just takes time.  We'll play tonight until you get comfortable with the general game.  Next time we play, you'll be able to concentrate on learning how to bid."

"I don't know, Chakotay, listening to Tom and Kathryn talk about conventions and special bids makes it sound too complicated."

"You don't have to learn them all. Start with Federation standard bidding and get comfortable with that before you learn a few of the more useful special bids. No one expects you to become an expert overnight."

"Come on, she'll never learn if you two just talk all night. It's your deal, B'Elanna. Pick up the deck to your left and start dealing." Kathryn's voice was gentle but firm. She glanced at her partner while B'Elanna dealt the cards. Partners. His eyes twinkled as if he could read her mind as he met her gaze. Kathryn finally broke the look as she picked up her cards.

When they had finished the first rubber, Kathryn stood and moved to the replicator to get them some snacks. Chakotay joined her to refill their drinks. As they returned to the table, Tom spoke.

"I didn't expect you to feed us, Captain."

"That's ok, Tom, don't worry about it. Next lesson you are going to provide our dinner before we start." Tom flinched at the impact that would have on his ration balance but was relieved that the captain was willing to continue the lessons for B'Elanna.

They played one more rubber trying to help B'Elanna learn how to keep track of which cards had been played, which cards to lead and which cards to discard. She picked up on those aspects of the game quickly and by the time they finished for the evening, her confidence had started to return. As Tom and B'Elanna were leaving, they all agreed on the night for the next lesson.

Chakotay stayed and helped Kathryn clear away the dishes and put the card table away.

"Tell me, Commander, just exactly when did I acquire that card table?" Kathryn had followed him to the closet where he had put the table.

"About ten minutes before I came to meet you in your ready room."

"And how did you get it in my quarters."

"I may wear a Starfleet uniform, but I didn't forget everything I learned while I was Maquis." He put his fingers to her lips. "And no, I am not giving away my secrets over a card table."

"Where did you learn the Kyoto convention anyway?"

"From someone in the Maquis. Tuvok had started helping me use it properly but that was before I found out he was a spy. Neither of us has suggested continuing the lessons."

"You really do need to learn it properly. I abhor sloppy bidding."

"I'm willing to learn if you'll teach me."

"Ok, meet me here an hour before we're due at Tom and B'Elanna's next week and we'll go over it."

"Good night, Kathryn." Chakotay headed for the door. "I'll pick you up for breakfast at 07:30."

Kathryn nodded her agreement. "Good night, Commander."

Over the next several months, the four settled into a routine where they managed to fit in two evenings of bridge most weeks.  Tom and B'Elanna also found a few other people who played including the Delaney twins.  After a few nights playing together, Kathryn and Chakotay settled into a comfortable partnership at cards. They seldom missed cues or misunderstood bids. Kathryn was one of those people who consistently held good cards, a fact which Tom found incredibly frustrating. Several times, they switched partners so he could play with Kathryn just to keep him from complaining all night.

On the nights when they played in Kathryn's quarters or Chakotay's quarters, the other would invariable stay to help clean up after Tom and B'Elanna left. Usually, they would enjoy a glass of wine and talk about the ship, the crew or life in general. Teaching B'Elanna how to play bridge had turned into an agreeable diversion for Voyager's commanding officers.

One night while they were playing in Kathryn's quarters, Tom and B'Elanna were talking while Kathryn and Chakotay busied themselves with drinks and snacks from the replicator after they had finished one rubber. Tom was playing solitaire while B'Elanna shuffled the other deck of cards.

"You know, Tom, those two are both better players when they play as partners."

"Why does that surprise you? They are both better officers when they are working together, too."

Neither had intended their words to carry, but both Kathryn and Chakotay heard them. After Tom and B'Elanna left at the end of the evening, Chakotay watched Kathryn as he helped clean up.

"What did you think about B'Elanna's comment?"

"Which comment?"

"You know which one. The one about us being better as partners."

"That's just her opinion and she was talking about a card game."

"Tom agreed with her and he wasn't talking about card games."

"We're just used to working together and playing cards together."

"It's more than that, Kathryn, and we both know it. We're partners in almost every sense of the word. We started out as two captains with nearly 150 people to get back to the Alpha Quadrant but became partners because we had no other choice. We're still partners, better partners, and our crew and ship are better off because of it, and so are we. We've shared the responsibilities and the challenges, the joys and sorrows, and the indecision and uncertainty that come with this journey, not always equally and not always peaceably, but we've done it together."

"I agree completely, Chakotay. We're a good team even when we disagree." Kathryn smiled as she remembered some of those disagreements. "We're pretty good at that part, too."

"You know what we're better at?"

"No."

"Not letting all the disagreements push us apart and destroy our partnership. Do you want to know why I think that hasn't happened?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"Forget it. You're still not ready to admit it and I'm tired of trying to talk you into admitting what we share. One of these days, you're going to convince me you're right and I'm wrong." His words were quiet and resigned but their lack of emotion caused a chill to run through Kathryn. Chakotay put the last chair away and moved toward the door. "I'll meet you for breakfast at 07:30."

As the door slid closed behind him, Kathryn stood thinking about what he had said. That night she tossed and turned unable to find sleep. For the first time in more than six years, she felt alone.

Over the next few weeks, Tom and B'Elanna slowly started winning more games when they played against Kathryn and Chakotay. At first, they all put it down to their growing skill and good cards, but eventually Tom and B'Elanna realized it was more. Once he had noticed their lack of rapport, Tom was more attentive to their interactions on the bridge. Tom told B'Elanna that they had stopped working together in the captain's ready room and limited conversation on the bridge to ship's business. B'Elanna tried to talk to Chakotay to find out what was wrong. All he would tell her was that there was nothing wrong. He and Kathryn had not had a fight or a disagreement. B'Elanna was not convinced but there was nothing she could do if Chakotay didn't think there was a problem.

Three days later, the four were playing bridge again in the captain's quarters. Chakotay paid closer attention to Kathryn and they won easily but even he had to admit it was as much the cards as their skill that night. He stayed to help clean up as usual.

"What's wrong, Kathryn?"

"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"B'Elanna came to see me a couple days ago. She and Tom said we'd been off our usual game and wondered whether we had had a fight. I told her there was nothing wrong, but she said Tom had noticed a change in our behavior on the bridge."

"So you think there is something wrong because they are imagining things?"

"No, I think there is something wrong because I considered what Tom had observed and then made a point to watch for the same things. B'Elanna was also right about our game being off. I paid particular attention to how we played tonight and we did much better. There isn't anything wrong, at least not the way they meant it."

"So what is wrong?"

"Nothing actually. It's more that something is missing. I had to really pay attention tonight to know what you meant. I didn't always have to do that. I watched you while we played. There were a few times you had to stop and think about what I meant before you bid and you missed signals at least three times tonight."

"Aren't you reading a lot into a game?"

"It's not the game, Kathryn. We're not the team we once were but I don't think it will affect the ship or the crew. We know each other well enough that now that we know about it, we can counter any negative effects."

"You don't seem too concerned. Why did you bring it up?"

"You needed to know. Now you do." Chakotay had put away the table and chairs and was standing by the door. "I'm tired. Do you mind if we skip the wine tonight?"

Kathryn felt like he was rushing to get away from her but she had no real reason to object. "As you wish."

"I'll meet you for breakfast at 07:30." She nodded her acceptance and he left. As the door slid closed behind him, Chakotay was thinking about what he had said and Kathryn's reaction to it.  For the first time in over six years, she had looked like she felt alone.

Kathryn was awake the next morning long before her wake up call.  At 06:00, she sent a message to Chakotay to pick her up at her quarters for breakfast. When he arrived, she had him come in. There was a cup of coffee and a cup of tea at the table. She indicated they should sit down.

"We need to talk." At his questioning look, she explained. "About why you don't think we need to talk."

"That makes no sense, Kathryn. If I thought we needed to talk, we wouldn't need to talk?"

"I said we needed to talk about why you don't think we need to talk."

"Ok, why don't I think we need to talk?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"How can I tell you why I don't think something?"  Chakotay stopped and put up his hand.  "Wait. Don't answer that. I'm getting confused. Let's start over. You tell me why you think I should think we need to talk."

"That's less confusing?" Kathryn and Chakotay both smiled at that. At least they could still laugh at the same things. "Last night you told me some things that I hadn't noticed, potentially important things that could impact the ship, yet you don't think we need to talk about them. I'm more concerned that you don't want to talk about a possible problem than I am about the actual problem."

"Ok, I'll talk about it. Where do you want me to start?"

"This is getting us nowhere. I'm not even sure if I know what the problem is."

"Kathryn, all I said last night was that we weren’t the team we once were. Maybe it would have been more accurate to say we weren't the team I once thought we were. It makes no real difference because I can't make us that team."

"And a change like that in the command structure of this ship doesn't concern you?"

"The thing I described as missing is something you never thought existed. How am I supposed to recover something we never had?"

Kathryn had no reply so Chakotay took their cups to the recycler. "Let's go eat breakfast. We have to be on the bridge in fifteen minutes."

Kathryn remained seated. "No.That is no answer. Sit down. We're not finished yet. If Tom and B'Elanna noticed something, then something has changed and we can change it back."

"What has changed? You tell me what has changed and I'll do my best to change it back to the way it was."

"That's just it, I don't know what has changed."

"I'll list a few things and you tell me if any of them have changed." Kathryn nodded her agreement. "We split reports the same as we always have. We have the same basic shifts. The way we divide the responsibilities on the ship, while not exactly in line with 'fleet norms, is unaffected. I still make you listen to my opinion concerning command decisions. It hasn't come up lately, but I would still challenge you if I think you were making a bad decision."

Kathryn nodded at each item he listed. When he had finished, she shook her head. "You missed some things. We don't work in my ready room anymore. That has changed."

"Ok, I'll make a point on bringing in the crew roster and working on it in your ready room today, though I usually do that in my office."

"We stopped chatting on the bridge."

"Ok, you start a conversation and I'll keep it going until we go to your ready room to work."

"You stopped commenting on how much coffee I drink."

"That could be because you usually drink it in your ready room. If so, doing the roster in there will solve that omission as well."

"This isn't getting us anywhere."

"Sure it is. We're getting back what was missing, whatever that was."

"No, we're not. We're just making a list of things to do so it seems like we have it back."

Kathryn sounded discouraged. Chakotay studied her face for a while before speaking. "Ok, Kathryn. Answer a couple of questions, all right?" She nodded.

"How did you feel the other night after I mentioned what B'Elanna had told me?"

"I felt alone."

"Was that the first time you felt like that?"

"No. I'd been feeling alone ever since the night you told me that someday I might convince you we didn't share anything personal."

"Think about this list we just made for a minute. Aren't all the items on the list things we do because of what we share, not because it's how to run a starship?"

"We're friends. Those are things we do because we're friends."

"Tuvok is your friend. Tom is your friend. You don't work for hours with them in your ready room. You don't chat with them on the bridge. They only notice how much coffee you've been drinking if you or I mention it in their presence. Those aren't things we do because we're friends, are they?"

"So we're best friends." Kathryn wished she hadn't let Chakotay take her cup; she desperately needed something to do with her hands. Even she didn't think she sounded convinced by her last statement.

"Is that all?"

"What else could we be?"

"Apparently nothing. In which case, the checklist will solve the problem. Now, I'm due on the bridge in two minutes."

"Wait." Kathryn tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to Paris."

"Paris here."

"Tom, you have the bridge until the Commander and I get there. Janeway out." She cut off the link before Tom could acknowledge her order. Chakotay remained by the door waiting for Kathryn to continue. She stood and walked over to the couch and sat down. "Join me, Chakotay."

He remained by the door considering the situation. Finally, he moved to the couch and sat down. "We're just going in circles, Kathryn."

"Chakotay, you know my opinion on personal relationships among senior officers and maintaining the command structure."

"I know it; I understand it; I disagree with it.  We've been through all this before. I don't need you to explain your position to me again. We have never agreed on this point and I doubt we ever will. Unless you have something new to add, I should get to the bridge."

"Sit down." She waited to see whether Chakotay would join her. "Please."

"Kathryn, there is nothing you can tell me that I don't already know. I know how I feel about you. I'm convinced you feel the same for me but you aren't ready to deal with those feelings."

"Maybe I am. I'm not sure. Please, sit down."

Chakotay finally moved away from the door to sit on the couch near Kathryn. She sighed in relief.

"I love you, Chakotay. For years, I convinced myself it was as a friend and nothing more. Maybe if we'd had more time alone on New Earth, I wouldn't have succeeded. I don't know. Ever since the night B'Elanna made that comment, I've felt alone. It was nothing you did or said; it was just a feeling. I thought it would go away, but it didn't. Then last night you left early and I was hurt."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know. You didn't do anything you hadn't done before. You were tired and left to get some rest. I've done the same to you countless times. But this time it was different. I felt like you were leaving me, not just the room."

"I wasn't leaving you. I told you I'd help you get this crew home and I meant it."

"You were leaving us behind though. That's what hurt. Then earlier when you said there was apparently nothing more between us, I realized that what I felt for you wasn't limited to loving you as a friend."

"How do you love me?"

"I'm not sure."  Kathryn slid closer to Chakotay.  "Could I kiss you?"

Chakotay nodded and Kathryn leaned closer to kiss him. The first kiss was brief and tentative. Kathryn tilted her head back and look up into his eyes and then kissed him again. This time he returned the kiss, pulling her into his arms. This time when they broke the kiss, Chakotay smiled. "Can you answer the question now?"

"Yes. Commander, I do believe your captain is in love with her first officer."

"I'm not the one with all the opinions about relationships among the senior officers. Do you think this is going to cause problems?"

Kathryn pulled away slightly and tapped her combadge. "Janeway to the bridge."

"Paris here, Captain."

"Tom, the Commander and I are going to busy the rest of the day. Get someone else up there to handle the helm for you. Short of a red alert, have Tuvok deal with any problems."

"Aye, Captain. Is anything wrong?"

"No, Tom. Nothing is wrong. Janeway out." After the link closed, Kathryn moved back into Chakotay's arms smiling. "In fact, everything is finally as it should be."