by Dakota

Chakotay turned back toward the shelter -- the shelter that he had worked so hard to make into a home and a place to share his life with Kathryn. Now it was an empty shell filled with memories and dreams that would never come true. He hadn’t believed she would really leave. Even after she had found the cure and started preparing the shuttle to leave in search of Voyager he had thought she would change her mind. He had tried to change her mind by reminding her that Voyager had been gone too long and the shuttle could never catch her. Yes, they knew Voyager’s general heading when they left New Earth, but they would have no way of knowing what kind of course adjustments they made or when. Voyager could cruise at warp 9.975 if necessary and generally maintained speeds about warp 6 while the shuttle could maintain warp 6 for only a few days before dropping to lower speeds. Even after he told her he would not be going with her Kathryn remained firm in her decision because she felt it was her duty either to get her crew home or to die trying. Chakotay greatly feared that it would be the latter. He went into the kitchen where he found some juice and sat down to think back over recent months.

They had been on the planet nearly a year when she finally found the insect that carried the virus. It had taken that long because the insect spent most of its life cycle underground, similar to locusts found back on Earth. Kathryn was ecstatic with renewed hope of finding a successful treatment. She had lost so much equipment in an ion storm shortly after their arrival that she had nearly given up searching. Once she had the insect it took only a few weeks for Kathryn to isolate the virus before turning her efforts to finding a natural cure. It took several months of intense effort but eventually she succeeded. Before she found the insect, Chakotay had thought Kathryn was starting to accept being on the planet and was gradually letting go of her compulsion to return to the Alpha Quadrant. They had grown closer, touching more often and for longer periods of time. They usually held hands when out walking after the day’s tasks were finished. On long summer evenings, Kathryn would sit in Chakotay’s arms on a nearby hill as they watched the sun set. That close companionship had disappeared completely after Kathryn found the insect. Chakotay had allowed her to revert to their shipboard relationship believing it was temporary, only questioning his wisdom when Kathryn found a natural cure in a microscopic fungus that thrived among the roots of the marsh grasses near their shelter. It came to her attention only after she had unraveled the life cycle of the insect and started looking underground for clues to a natural cure. Later they had traveled away from the planet several times to test its effectiveness. Their last trip has lasted two weeks with no indication that the virus would recur.

When they returned from that test flight Kathryn began making preparations to start after Voyager. No amount of discussion, no logic about the impossibility of catching them or the improbability of even following the same course could change her mind — she was determined to find Voyager. Chakotay knew that after nearly two years the shuttle had no hope of catching the larger and faster ship and that the shuttle could not carry enough supplies to last that long. Chakotay knew from scans made while Voyager was still in orbit that Kathryn would need all the supplies the shuttle could carry just to reach the next habitable planet. Kathryn was adamant; she was going but Chakotay hated allowing her to go alone. When he told her he would not be going with her, he had hoped that she would change her mind and that she would realize just how foolhardy this decision really was. Kathryn never wavered. Chakotay remained firm in his decision to stay on New Earth. He really thought she would stay but she didn’t. She even put her uniform back on for the journey. He had watched sadly as the shuttle disappeared before returning to the shelter that had once been his home.

Chakotay shook his head to clear his thoughts. The only thing he would change would be to go with Kathryn so at least he would know what had happened to her. He could protect her; allow her to sleep without fear of missing the approach of a hostile ship. It was too late now; it was time to move on with his life and to learn to live with his decision. It would be difficult and he didn’t really want to continue without Kathryn but he had no choice. He picked up the gardening tools that Kathryn had used with such carefree abandon and moved to tend the vegetable garden that had been neglected over the last few weeks as Kathryn prepared to leave. It would come to know Chakotay’s hands and voice now.

More than two weeks later, Chakotay walked across the clearing outside the shelter returning from a day of fishing downstream. He had been successful and had caught enough for his dinner plus several other fish to smoke for the coming winter. He had cleaned them at the river so he put the fish in the sink and filled it with cold water before picking up the gardening tools to tackle the ever-invading weeds. It had been easier the year before with Kathryn to help with gathering fruit and tending their garden. There would be no major improvements this year to make the winter easier; he would have no time. He glanced at the sky as he came out the door; there were still several hours of daylight left so he had time to finish the weeding before it was too dark to work outside.

Chakotay had been working for over an hour when he heard a branch snap. He glanced around for the monkey, thinking it might be in the area looking for a handout. He didn’t see it in its favorite tree so he returned to his task.

“You missed a weed near that last plant.” Chakotay nearly plunged the trowel into his hand when he heard the voice. He turned to see Kathryn standing near the garden wearing her blue dress. He waited for her to speak, to explain why she was standing here watching him work in her garden. He didn’t move. He wasn’t sure he could believe Kathryn was standing only a few meters from him.

“Aren’t you going to say anything, Chakotay?” Kathryn seemed nervous.

“Hello, Kathryn.”

“That’s it? ‘Hello, Kathryn’ is all you can come up with?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Say that you’re glad to see me. Say that you missed me. That you don’t like living alone. That you’ve been just as miserable these last two weeks as I have. I want you to tell me that you still love me, Chakotay, because I finally realized just how much I love you.” 

Tears were running down Kathryn’s face as she finished. Chakotay slowly stood, brushed off his hands and walked over to where Kathryn stood. He put his arms around her and hugged her to him.

“God, Kathryn, I never thought I would hear you say that. I love you so much. I’ve just been going through the motions of living since you left. I am never letting you leave me again. Where one of us goes, the other goes, too.”

“I love you, too, Chakotay. I didn’t realize how much until after I had left you. Somewhere inside me I really believed you would change your mind and come with me. When you didn’t come, I hid my pain in anger, determined to find Voyager on my own, but I was miserable and lonely. It took me nearly a week to admit why I was miserable and that you were right about never being able to catch Voyager. I finally let go of Starfleet, the Alpha Quadrant, Voyager, and everything that has ever represented home to me. I realized that home is where you are and that all I wanted was to be with you. I don’t want to go anywhere else for a long time. This is a good planet and you tried to make a home for us, I just wouldn’t let it be that for me. Now I finally understand what home really is. I’m so sorry I put you through this and that we’ve wasted years that we could have enjoyed together.”

“They weren’t wasted, Kathryn. You needed the time to let go of all that. I was always willing to wait for you, but I thought I had waited too long when you left. Maybe someday we can explore this region in the shuttle, but right now I just want to hold you. Welcome home, Kathryn.”