by Dakota

"Well, the doctor seems to think that everyone is handling their experiences on Quarra fairly well." Chakotay smiled. "Even the captain."

"I know how I'm handling it." Kathryn smiled at Chakotay. "I really am glad you came after us and brought us home. Feel like having lunch with me?" 

Chakotay hesitated. "I'd love to, but I've already made plans. Rain check?" 

"Absolutely." Janeway smiled until the door closed behind Chakotay then her expression turned thoughtful. She had a feeling of finality, as if something were over. Memories raced through her mind.

Watching the people in engineering from the upper deck as they celebrated and looking around to see Chakotay approaching. Seeing Chakotay's smile as he commented on the way the crew was interacting. The question with a double meaning that he allowed her to sidestep.

Would she have been willing to be the first officer on his ship and tell her people to accept him as captain? Or would she have refused to yield command and forced a confrontation? Would he really have insisted on retaining command even though there were far more 'fleet personnel than Maquis? Would she have been able to let go of the structure Starfleet provided? As for the subtext in that question, if he had been captain, things might have been very different. Would that have been so bad?

Watching Chakotay's eyes as he recounted an ancient legend and hearing more than just the story. Looking back, she wondered how she had found the strength to resist him. She had long suspected his feelings for her were more than simple friendship. She had loved him before they were stranded but their time on New Earth was when she fell in love. It was when she admitted to herself that Mark was a part of her past and not of her future. Almost. She was almost ready to tell Chakotay how she felt. Another few days and she would have. Why had Tuvok returned so soon?

Chakotay walking in after she received the letter from Mark. Even she was surprised at her reaction to the letter. Even though she loved someone else and was glad that Mark had married, it still hurt to read that his love for her was in the past, too. But Chakotay had been there, comforting her. She almost told him then, almost. He hadn't pressured her, just given her time to decide what to do without her safety net. Did the man always have to be so understanding?

Chakotay pacing sickbay as he dealt with alien minds touching his. It was only one of many risks he took for Voyager, for her. When his inner strength wavered, all she had to do was ask him to try and he did. His love for her was a source of strength for him just as it was a source of strength for her. It hadn't weakened Chakotay or hindered him as first officer. When he gave her his love, he gave her strength. If she allowed herself to love him, wouldn't it become a source of strength for them both? 

Chakotay writing on a paper in the mess hall. Another woman had touched his heart and he didn't want to forget her. Or had he just wanted to remember that a woman had loved him? The last woman who had claimed to love him had used him to achieve her goals. The one before that had betrayed him and the entire ship. Kellin had loved him enough to leave her home hoping he would love her a second time. A woman had given up her family and friends for love, for Chakotay.

The next day, he had the words but he didn't have the memories and with the memories, the love was gone. Kathryn knew these things because she had returned to her quarters and, like him, had written the words. Unlike him, the next day she had the words and the memories of love. What she had lost was the pain of seeing Chakotay's love for another woman but she knew that she had felt it because she had written that and read it. Heartbroken was the word she had written.

Kellin had been willing to give up everything for Chakotay. She didn't have to give up anything except maybe pride or principles that only she thought were relevant. Wasn't he worth that and more?

Sniffing a single rose then looking up to warm brown eyes. It didn't matter what the reason – an apology, an attempt to comfort her, a reminder that she wasn’t alone, an attempt to calm stormy waters after an argument – he was there. He was always there.

Then why did that closing door make it seem like he was walking away this time?

Thirteen seconds. Why did that secret program flash into her mind now? Thirteen seconds. She could go back in time thirteen seconds and change what she did. It was experimental. It had never been tested. She would give the command so only she would remember the "original" thirteen seconds. She didn't even have any orders dealing with the type of situation that warranted using that program. Starfleet didn't even call it a weapon though in theory it had certain defensive applications.

Thirteen seconds. This wasn't a one time only program. It would still be there to use if she needed it for the ship. For the ship?

This would be for her. 

Thirteen seconds. She had been happy on Quarra. Not because of Jaffen but because she had been allowed a personal life. She had forgotten what that was like.

Thirteen seconds. Six years. A legend, a rose. It was time to serve with him. She wanted a life for Kathryn.

Thirteen seconds.

"Computer, initiate program Voyager13, code omega times 2."

"Well, the doctor seems to think that everyone is handling their experiences on Quarra fairly well." Chakotay smiled. "Even the captain."

"I know how I'm handling it." Kathryn smiled at Chakotay. "I really am glad you came after us and brought us home. Feel like having lunch with me?" 

Chakotay hesitated. "I'd love to, but I've already made plans. Rain check?" 

"Not this time. I have to insist." Kathryn smiled at Chakotay. "There are a few things we need to discuss that I've put off far too long starting with a question you asked when you first came on board Voyager that I never answered."
 

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