Year One

Chakotay had just sat down with a cup of tea and a book he had been trying to read for nearly two months when the chime sounded. He sighed softly but wasn't really upset since he knew it could only be one person at this late hour. He stood and headed for the replicator as he called for Kathryn to enter.

"Sit down, Kathryn."

Kathryn waited for him to return to the couch with her coffee. She smiled as he handed it to her.

"How did you know I needed this?"

"It's been a long day and you always think you need a cup of coffee."

"Ahh, my Christmas present then. Thank you."

"Is it Christmas already?"

"All day today, which is the reason I stopped by tonight. I brought you a gift." Kathryn held out a small square box wrapped in gold paper. "Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Chakotay accepted the box hesitantly. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I've never celebrated Christmas so I never thought to get you a present."

"I don't want a gift. Think of this as a thank you for joining forces to get us all home."

Chakotay carefully opened the small package and lifted out a glass replica of Voyager. "It's very beautiful, Kathryn. Thank you."

Chakotay looked slightly confused as he held the fragile ornament. Kathryn finally realized that he hadn't recognized what it was.

"It's an ornament for a tree, Chakotay. See the opening above the bridge? You can put a hook or thread through there to hang it up." She paused a moment before continuing. "I knew you wouldn't have a tree but Christmas is special to me and I wanted this to be special, too. It's all right if you just pack it away safely in the box."

"Why Voyager?"

"I guess maybe it's my way of saying she's our ship now, not just mine."

With those final softly spoken words, Kathryn moved out the door leaving Chakotay to contemplate his gift.

Year Two

Kathryn and Chakotay made their way along the corridor to their quarters having finally made their escape from the boisterous activity that Tom seemed to think was a Christmas party.

"Join me for some tea, Commander?"

"I'd like that, Captain."

They both smiled at their use of their ranks. It had been a long and stressful year for them both and only in the last few months had they lost the stiff formality that followed their return from New Earth. Kathryn headed for the replicator and requested tea for them both. While it whirred and considered whether to cooperate, she slipped her shoes off. The appearance of two hot teas brought forth a sigh of relief and a whispered "thank you" before she picked up the cups and joined Chakotay on the couch.

"Here you go."

"I see you and that replicator are getting along a bit better today."

"It's probably only because it's Christmas but I'll take what I can get."

They sipped their tea and discussed the party for nearly an hour before Chakotay finally stood to leave.

"Wait just a minute, Chakotay." Kathryn disappeared into her bedroom and quickly returned. "I didn't have a chance to give this to you earlier."

Chakotay stared at the small box Kathryn held out to him but didn't touch it. "Kathryn, I didn't think you were going to make this an annual exchange. I'm sorry, I don't have a gift for you."

"I told you last year, I don't want a gift. This is my holiday, please let me celebrate it in my way." Kathryn stretched her arm to touch the box to the back of Chakotay's hand. "Please."

Chakotay could not resist her request or the look in her eyes. "Then thank you."

Chakotay opened the box and pulled out a bright, nearly round, red glass ball with sprigs of green at the top and stared at it for a full minute before he realized what it was.

"A Talaxian tomato?" His voice conveyed his amusement and his confusion about his gift.

Kathryn chuckled but her voice was sincere and soft when she spoke. "Yes. I wanted something to remind us both of the best and the worst this year brought us. As terrible as it was to stay behind when Voyager left, those were the best days of the year for me, thanks to you."

"Thank you. I'll keep it with the Voyager ornament." Chakotay reached out briefly to touch her cheek before turning to leave. "Good night, Kathryn."

"Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Year Three

Kathryn stood waiting for the door of Chakotay's quarters to open. Just as she was about to give up, it slid open and she stepped inside. Chakotay was standing near his desk.

"I wasn't sure you would come this year."

Kathryn crossed the room and handed Chakotay a box. "I wasn't sure either for a while. I did a lot of thinking in the last few weeks – not just about this latest encounter with the Borg but about the entire year." Kathryn glanced wishfully around the room for some sign of her Christmas gifts to Chakotay from previous years but saw nothing. She let out a barely audible sigh of disappointment before she continued. "I finally picked out one that I thought represented what was most important to me. I hope that in time it will mean as much to you. Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Kathryn slipped out the door before he could reply.

Chakotay stared at the box a long time before he opened it. Carefully he removed the tissue wrapped ornament from its box and unwrapped it. It was a shuttlecraft – a damaged shuttlecraft. He had no idea what it was supposed to mean until he remembered the crash that had nearly killed Kathryn. He smiled as Kathryn's words echoed in his mind: "most important to me." Carefully he carried the ornament into his bedroom and hung it on the small display stand with his other two. It was indeed a merry Christmas after all.

Year Four

Chakotay was getting ready to leave to meet Kathryn so they could attend Neelix's Prixin party when his chime sounded. He called for his visitor to enter as he left his bedroom.

"Kathryn? I was just on my way to meet you. Am I late?"

"Of course not. I wanted to give you something before the party." Kathryn held out a small box with a smile that approached a smirk on her face.

Chakotay returned her smile. "Another gift?"

"Of course. Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Chakotay carefully opened the package and pulled out an intricate ornament in the shape of an insignia. Carefully he studied the front then turned it over to study the back. His face contorted in confusion.

"Kathryn, one side says 'US Army, Fifth Armored Infantry' and the other says 'US Army, Fourth Armored Infantry'." Chakotay spoke as he carried the ornament across the room to his desk where his first three ornaments hung on display and carefully added the fourth to his small collection.

"I studied those holoprograms in great detail to get the information and it seems that you couldn't remember which infantry you commanded so I decided to give you both." Kathryn's voice teased him.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault. I was just following someone else's script in that program." Chakotay defended his implied failings as he returned to Kathryn's side.

"I know and it doesn't matter. Even with your memory blocked, you were coming to my rescue."  Kathryn stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you."

Chakotay bowed and held out his arm to escort her to the party. "My pleasure, Captain."

Year Five

Chakotay carefully examined the package that Neelix had handed to him as part of the annual holiday party. The crew had exchanged names but Chakotay had declined to participate so had not expected a gift. He was certain it was from Kathryn but he had not expected her to give him his ornament with so many others around. The note inside was unsigned but carried a familiar message: "Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Curious about what Kathryn would have selected that would seem 'normal' to the crew, Chakotay carefully unwrapped the box. Inside was an intricate glass star sprinkled with silver and gold glitter and so many facets that when it was held up in the light, it seemed to glow.

Later in the evening as he and Kathryn walked back to their quarters, he finally asked her about the ornament.  "Care to join me for some tea and explain my gift?"

"I'd love to join you but what makes you think I gave it to you?"

"The look on your face for one thing."

Laughing, they entered his quarters. Chakotay stopped at the coffee table to remove the star from its box and carefully hang it on the display stand with the others. He moved to the replicator where he instructed the computer to play a random selection of classical music while he was waiting for their tea. He carried the tea back to Kathryn.

"Looks pretty good, doesn't it?" He looked at Kathryn for her approval. She was still staring at the display.

"They all do." Kathryn sat down and sipped the fragrant tea. "Those are good memories on that display."

"Even without the memories, I value the gifts." Chakotay's voice became teasing as he continued. "Now, would you care to explain which star that is? I spent the last hour trying to come up with an explanation and failed miserably."

"Well, it's not a star we passed along the way. It's you. You're my star, my light in the darkest night. When I start to lose my way, you make sure I find the right path again." Kathryn's voice quivered slightly from the depth of her feelings.

"I think you are giving me far too much credit." Chakotay flushed as he looked away, hoping Kathryn had not seen the hope that had flickered ever so briefly in his eyes. It had been a long time since she had even hinted at more than friendship between them.

"No, I don't give you enough credit or thank you nearly as often as I should. And don't say you're just doing your job." Kathryn allowed her eyes to meet his knowing there was so much more he wanted to hear that she couldn't say. She wondered if he could tell how badly she wanted to say those words.

"I wish you'd let me get you something for Christmas." Chakotay's comment made Kathryn sigh in relief that he had changed the subject to something she was more comfortable discussing. Rather than reject his offer outright, she merely looked stubbornly at Chakotay. "Please?"

Looking at him was Kathryn's downfall. His eyes were warm and tender. She couldn't keep telling him "no" that evening. "Well, all right, but I get to pick my present, ok?"

"What? Coffee?" Chakotay's smile conveyed his pleasure.

"No, but that is tempting." Kathryn smiled at his teasing. "Dance with me."

"What?"

"Let's dance. That music tonight was dreadful. Tom and Neelix can come up with the most unpleasant things sometimes."

"It would be my pleasure, Kathryn." Chakotay stood and ordered the computer to reduce the lighting to 50%. "May I have the honor?"

Kathryn took Chakotay's outstretched hand and stood. He led her around the coffee table to a clear area and pulled her close. Never noticing how inappropriate the music was, silently, Voyager's senior officers danced to the music of Mahler and Tchaikovsky as the stars twinkled in the night.

Year Six

"Well, how long are you going to pretend to ignore your present?" Kathryn's voice was as impatient as any child's.

Chakotay smiled at her across the dinner table. "You mean this present?" He couldn’t help but tease her as he pointed to the brightly wrapped box near his water glass.

"Yes, that present, and don't play Mister Innocent with me." Kathryn's mock glare had no effect on Chakotay's grin.

"You want me to open it today? Christmas isn't until tomorrow."

"I know, but I'm on duty until Tom's party and you're on duty after and I don't think we'll have a chance during it." Kathryn voice became solemn. "This one is important and I didn't want it to be late."

Chakotay paused. He could almost feel her emotions as she watched him study the package. So intense was her focus on it that she didn't notice his hesitation. He pulled the glass ornament out of its wrappings and immediately recognized the monument on Tarakis.

"Kathryn, how does this relate to us?" Chakotay's words took a few minutes to register with Kathryn. When they did, she jerked her head up to look at him.

"It's a reminder – of what might have been. That represents one of the greatest tragedies in Nakan history." The horror of the massacre was reflected briefly in Kathryn's eyes.

"Because of you, this year I didn't make an equally tragic mistake." Kathryn's voice and eyes conveyed her gratitude for his intervention. "I can never thank you enough for making sure I didn't cross the line with Ransom."

"Let's add it to my collection." Chakotay stood, trying to lighten the mood a bit. They crossed to the table with his ornament collection hung. His voice was almost a whisper. "Thank you, Kathryn."

Kathryn pulled him into a hug. "Thank you, Chakotay. Merry Christmas."

Year Seven

Kathryn and Chakotay had made the rounds of the annual holiday party, barely having time to talk to each other until they left. They knew Tom had gone all out this year, just as they knew the crew would relax more once they had departed. As they approached her quarters, Kathryn issued her usual invitation.

"Care to join me for some tea, Commander?" Kathryn's voice was light and teasing as she emphasized his rank.

"I'd love to join you, Captain, but would you allow me to play host?" Chakotay bowed elegantly  for her to continue on to his door.

"I don't have your gift with me."

"Please?"

Kathryn could tell by his voice and expression that it was very important to Chakotay.  "All right. Let me stop to pick it up and I'll be with you shortly."

Relieved that she had yielded so quickly and reluctant to risk her taking too long or even changing her mind, Chakotay stopped by Kathryn's door. "I'll wait for you here."

"All right. I'll be right out." Kathryn was curious why Chakotay wanted to play host so she was as good as her word. The door had barely whooshed closed behind her when it opened again. She smiled brightly as she held up the small package. "Told you I'd be right out."

"I never doubted you for a minute." Chakotay barely had time to finish his comment before they reached his door. He motioned Kathryn to the couch as he moved toward the replicator. "How does white wine sound?"

"Wonderful." Kathryn stopped to look over the familiar collection of ornaments on Chakotay's table. He joined her and handed her a glass. "Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Kathryn." He held his glass up to toast her.

Kathryn returned the toast. "Merry Christmas, Chakotay."

Briefly, their glasses touched before they sipped their wine. Then Kathryn returned her attention to the ornaments. "It doesn't seem like seven years already, does it?"

"Tonight, no, but some days it seems more like seventy." Chakotay chuckled as Kathryn's expression indicated she shared the sentiment.

"Here, you know it's for you and you probably can guess it's another ornament, so you may as well open it now." Kathryn held out the package to Chakotay. "Merry Christmas."

"What a polite presentation. Thank you." Chakotay couldn't resist commenting on Kathryn's less than gracious comments.

"Be nice. This one took me hours of fighting with the replicator to get it the way I wanted."

"Really?" Chakotay's voice conveyed his sudden curiosity. "Hours?"

"Yes, hours." Kathryn was impatient. "Well, hurry up. I want to see if you like it."

Chakotay removed the paper and carefully pulled the ornament from the box. His confusion was clear from his expression and his voice.  "Another Voyager?"

"Carefully take the hook off and set it on the table." Kathryn's voice was eager so Chakotay followed her directions. He removed the hook and placed the ornament on the table only to see it fall apart into half a dozen pieces. He looked at Kathryn in dismay but she was smiling.

"Is it supposed to do that?"

"Yes. You don't get the connection, do you?"

"No. Sorry." Chakotay picked up the pieces and started trying to put them together as he talked.

"Remember that spatial rift that fractured Voyager into temporal pieces? Something in your voice told me that you remembered something good that you couldn't tell me about. I'd like you to remember it," Kathryn's eyes conveyed her regret for his unknown loss, "and know that I'm sorry it isn't possible in our time."

Chakotay put the last piece of the ornament back into place and reached for the hook. Gently he slid the hook through the holder, locking the pieces in place. He smiled at Kathryn as he hung it with the others.

"It wasn't really something that happened. It was more like something that might have been."

"Well, whatever it was, I wish it could have been true for you."

"It still could be." Chakotay's voice was quiet as he turned to face Kathryn. "But it's something only you could make happen."

Kathryn looked up into Chakotay's eyes and saw something she hadn't seen for a long time. Or was it something she hadn't been allowed to see?

"What would I have to do?"

"You've always wished me a Merry Christmas." Chakotay paused knowing that his request was going to be very unexpected. "Make this a marry me Christmas?"

Kathryn could only nod her agreement as Chakotay pulled her into his arms.
 

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