by Dakota

Kathryn stood staring out the view port at the unfamiliar stars of the Delta Quadrant waiting for her new first officer to arrive. Only three days since she had seen familiar stars but it felt like three thousand and the seventy-five thousand light years between her ship and Federation space seemed more like seventy-five million. She was remembering her suspicions when she was first given this assignment but she had never anticipated having to deal with them under these circumstances. Her suspicions had proved to be well founded and she had postponed the inevitable conversation as long as she could. Her thoughts wandered back to earlier years while she waited.

Kathryn had been on leave and was enjoying the sights and sounds of a planet that tried unsuccessfully to compete with Risa's reputation but which still provided a wide variety of amenities for visitors. She had been in the fourth day of a ten-day leave when she met him. They had both taken things slowly at first but the last three days of her leave had been spent in a secluded cabin with him. She had vague memories of the cabin being in a wooded area but wasn't sure. She had reluctantly left, but both had promised to contact the other.

Kathryn had tried once to contact him only to learn that both his name and his company were nonexistent. She had never seen him again – until she was assigned to track down a Maquis ship captained by a former Starfleet officer. The first picture she had seen of her target had been of poor quality from a surveillance camera and the similarity between the two men was undeniable – except that the Maquis captain had a tattoo. She didn't mention the possibility of having known the man to her superiors. There was no point in losing a coveted assignment. Only after she had received and studied Chakotay's full service record did she know they were the same man.

Kathryn had ample time to check his assignment during the time she had been on that memorable leave. He was undercover with half a dozen other 'fleet officers working with local authorities to gather information on a smuggling ring in that sector. She had managed to get some of his reports from that mission before they left DS9. It would have been better if she hadn't. He had mentioned meeting her and their 'dalliance' as an intentional diversion to protect his cover and mislead the smugglers. She was lucky he hadn't actually mentioned her name or it would have been in her file as well. It was bad enough that his superiors on that assignment knew who she was, for she had no doubt they had checked that out for themselves.

Kathryn's mind came back to the present. She was about to face the man to whom she had been a mere dalliance. It would have been easier if he had been in her brig but circumstances had made that impossible. She straightened her back as the chime sounded, and then called for him to come in.

"Captain. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I did. Please sit down." Chakotay sat on the couch but Kathryn stayed on her feet staring out the window.

"What did you want to see me about, Captain?"

"I think you know."

"I can guess. I'm just surprised you're bringing it up. I thought after the last few days you were going to pretend you didn't remember me."

"If we were still in the Alpha Quadrant, I might have done that; I'm not sure. I am sure that with seventy-five thousand light years between us and Starfleet command I'm not going to try." Kathryn finally turned to face Chakotay. "I have one request though. I'd prefer that our first meeting not become general knowledge among the crew."

"Request?"

"Yes. There's nothing I can do to keep you from telling others and I won't lie to the crew if someone asks, so it's a request."

"Why don't you want them to know we've met before?" Kathryn stared at him wondering why he needed to ask that question. He had been in Starfleet for over twenty years if you counted his years at the Academy. He must have seen the question on her face. "The personal reasons, not the professional, Kathryn."

Kathryn tried to find the words that would hide her true reason and still be believable but failed. "I'm not sure I can separate them. I'm the captain of this ship and I have to command respect. I'm not sure I can do that if they all know my first officer considers me nothing more than a dalliance to validate his undercover assignment or that I was fooled by him for an entire week."

"Whatever gave you the idea I considered you a dalliance?" Chakotay met her eyes with calm certainty and something Kathryn couldn't identify.

"You did, or rather your report did."

"You saw my report?"

"Yes. I obtained your file from Starfleet after I accepted this assignment. I asked for reports from that assignment."

"How did you explain choosing that assignment?"

"You were undercover. You'd be trying to blend in with the locals. I said knowing your methods then would help me find you now. That weak logic combined with the fact that your assignment was to help a local agency and not about Federation security was enough to get portions of those reports released to me."  Kathryn turned back to the view port. "In all the years since our week together I never thought of our time together as a dalliance.  But that doesn't matter. What does matter is how it affects this ship."

Chakotay listened to Kathryn's words and voice as she spoke. He watched her back as she stared out at the stars and remembered the pride and dignity of the young woman he had met so many years earlier. He also remembered the instant recognition and attraction he had felt when he materialized on Voyager's bridge and saw her again. Now he knew that the recognition had been reciprocated and he suspected the attraction was as well. He stood and moved to stand behind her.

"It is going to affect the ship, Kathryn, because it affects us. Whether that effect is positive or negative is up to us." He put one hand on her waist. When she didn't draw away, he wrapped his arms around her. "Remember when I did this?  Sometimes you'd lean against me. Other times you'd turn around and kiss me. Once you ran, daring me to chase you. It can be like that again."

Kathryn finally pulled away and turned. "I can be a dalliance again? I don't think so."

"That's what you were to a young officer working undercover, trying desperately to write a report to explain why he had spent the best part of a week with a woman he'd never met before instead of focusing on his assignment. But to the man who held you in his arms, you were much more. I was going to try to find you when my assignment was over until I found out who you were.

"Can you believe I didn't even know you were connected to Starfleet until someone told me I was pretty brave to be bedding Admiral Janeway's daughter? Well, I didn't know and I certainly wasn't very brave once I found out. If you had been a civilian, I would have found you and suggested we continue seeing each other. But we were both 'fleet and had careers to think about so I did nothing. I don't think it was a mistake to get on with my life back then. But now we have the opportunity to pick up where we left off and I don't think that would be a mistake either."

Kathryn looked shocked at first but she didn’t deny his statement. She turned back to the view port considering his words. Chakotay stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her again allowing her to think but reminding her with his touch of what they had shared.

"Getting involved with the Maquis captain I was sent to capture is not going to be easy to explain."

"Why do you have to explain? You're the captain. The only people who have any reason to ask are your first officer and chief of security. I know the answers and we can tell Tuvok the whole story if necessary. If you want my honest opinion, telling the crew the truth would make it easier on everyone."

"I'm not telling them you thought I was merely a dal…"

"I explained that. Besides, I said the truth, not what I wrote in some report that's still classified anyway."

"What if I say no?"

"We're a long way from home, Kathryn. Right now, you need me to keep the Maquis in control. We both know I could use that to force you into a physical relationship, but I won't. I want you in my arms because you want to be there. If you tell me 'no', I'll still do my best as your first officer but I won't stop asking for more. If you tell me 'yes', I'll tell as much or as little of the truth as you decide, but I won't lie."

"If we try this and I think it's not working, what then?"

"Well, I have no doubts we can make this work. I know I can be your first officer and your lover and I think you can be the captain and my lover if that's what you really want. That said, IF, and it's a mighty big 'if' in my opinion, IF you decide that we need to end the relationship, I'll agree provided you have given us time to work through any adjustment problems."

"Who decides how much time is 'enough time'?"

"We both do. This can't be all on your side, Kathryn. I'm half of this relationship and I expect to share in decisions affecting us just as I expect you to listen to my opinions as first officer. Speaking of which, I do not expect disagreements on the bridge or in here to follow us to bed just as you expect to leave personal disagreements off the bridge."

"Pretty assertive, aren't you?"

"I was given a Maquis ship to command after less than a year. You bet I can be assertive! I have a feeling I'm going to need to be with you as captain and lover."

"You sound pretty confident I'll be your lover."

"You have been and will be again, if not tonight, then some night closer to home."

"How can you be so certain?"

"You haven't said 'no' yet and I'm an optimist. I needed that to survive in the Maquis, too."

"I should say 'no' just to prove you wrong."

"But we'd both know you don't mean it." He tightened his arms a moment then relaxed them again. "Do you really want to spend the next seventy years without the emotional support that comes from a relationship with a man?"

"What kind of emotional support are you offering?"

"I'm not sure. Ten years from now, I'll probably tell you I fell in love with you when I beamed onto Voyager's bridge and saw you again. But today, I don't know what label to put on my feelings. Too much has happened in the last few days. I know it's respect and lust; I would call it love if you insist on a label; and I honestly think I am falling in love with you. What are you feeling?"

"I was feeling humiliated from what I read in your report.  I'm still having trouble getting past that."

"Then why are you still standing in my arms?"

"Because I also feel the same things you feel and I'm just as uncertain of the labels. Because I remember a young man who made me feel very special and if I can have that again without jeopardizing this ship or our chances of getting home, then I want it. There is so much at risk, I'm just not sure this is a good idea."

Chakotay turned Kathryn in his arms so she was facing him. "Do you trust me?" She studied his face searching for something. "Yes."

"Good, then listen to what I'm about to say. We know we get along when it's strictly personal. In time, I'm sure we will become friends no matter what we decide today.  I've been the captain of my own ship for nearly a year and I'm not used to taking orders anymore. I honestly believe that we are more likely to have problems with our command relationship than we ever will with a personal one. If you truly want to reduce the risk to the ship because of possible problems between us, then remove me as first officer."

"I can't do that. I've already made that decision and it stands."

"Then in my opinion, you've already taken the greater of the two risks and decided that you can get us home anyway. You've given me a chance, now give us a chance."

"This goes against everything I was taught and believe about running a starship."

Chakotay could hear in her voice that Kathryn wanted to agree with him but couldn't bring herself to say 'yes.' He knew he could talk her into agreeing with him if he continued. He also knew she needed to make a commitment, and passive agreement was not enough. Gently he kissed her forehead and stepped away releasing her. "When you're ready to give us a chance, let me know."

He turned to leave only to feel her hand on his arm. She stepped closer to his shoulder and whispered. "I'm ready."

Chakotay partially turned. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear what you said."

"I said 'I'm ready,' ready to give us a chance." She stepped in front of him, wrapped her arms around his waist and tilted her head up to kiss him. Suddenly seventy-five thousand light years didn't seem so far.