by Dakota

Kathryn stood staring out the view port of her ready room waiting for the monthly link with Starfleet to be established. She had been asking questions and answering even more as Starfleet slowly caught up on the reports she had been sending back. A few months earlier, she had finally managed to obtain permission to suspend all fraternization regulations for the entire crew. A month ago, they had officially confirmed Tom's rank and full reinstatement in 'fleet. Now she faced her most difficult challenge, getting pardons for all the former Maquis. She had already started setting the groundwork in her early reports, but was unsettled by some of the questions that had been asked and the general attitude. So far, she hadn't mentioned her concerns to Chakotay, but knew it was time. She was going to need his help over the next months to convince Starfleet to see things her way.

Kathryn looked down at the arms surrounding her and sighed as she leaned her head against his chest. Once the fraternization rules had been suspended, Chakotay had gently pushed for expanding their relationship and Kathryn had not resisted. Self-interest had been a factor in her making that a priority with Starfleet, a fact she had not admitted to Chakotay yet. They had started slowly but after a few weeks, Chakotay had all but moved into her quarters with her. Ten days earlier, she had finally authorized his unlimited access to her quarters, a little thing – yes, but also a fact available to the entire crew so it also served as a public acknowledgment of their relationship. She felt one of his hands move down over her belly to pull her closer. Knowing it was the beginning of a gentle onslaught, she trapped both his hands with hers.

"That's not why I called you in here, Chakotay."

"I know.  I was hoping they might be late establishing the link and we could enjoy ourselves while we waited."  Kathryn turned in his arms and looked up at the teasing eyes and broad grin.

"You're incorrigible."

"I certainly hope so." He kissed her quickly before continuing. "Let's see. You need to know about the mail packets and reports that are being sent. All ready and queued to start as soon as the communications link is confirmed. Those scheduled for personal communications with friends or family are lined up and nervous outside the conference room at this very moment. They are not going to miss one second of their allotted time. Did I miss anything?"

"No, that's what I needed to know but it's not why I called you in here. I'm trying to find out what the status of the Maquis is back at headquarters. I want you to listen to what they tell me but I don't want them to know you are listening."

"Why don't you want them to know I'm listening?"

"I'm afraid they will clamp down on what they tell me or even fabricate information because they think it's what I want to hear." Kathryn was interrupted by the ping of an incoming communication. She moved quickly to her desk and motioned Chakotay to sit down opposite her, out of visual range of the person on Kathryn's monitor. Kathryn tapped the button to activate her end of the comm line.

"Captain Janeway, it's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you again, Admiral. There is very little new information in my reports this time regarding the Delta Quadrant. We've been in a quiet stretch of space for several weeks now."

"Good. The let's get down to the business that seems to concern you most – the Maquis. There are quite a few who continue to be very concerned with their status on Voyager. Legally, their position has not changed since you received your original orders to go after Chakotay's ship. If you suddenly appeared in Earth orbit, they would be arrested and held for trial by the Federation. When you are closer to home, you will be expected to carry out your original orders and place them all under arrest. We're trying to keep this news quiet at this end so it doesn't get to the friends and family of your crew in case they tell someone on your ship. We don't want this to cause any trouble for you. Now, let's get on to the administrative issues."

Kathryn was so stunned at the admiral's abrupt attitude that she was speechless throughout his comments about the Maquis. She had thought they had made more progress than that. The admiral had nearly finished before Kathryn said anything. She managed to ask one or two trivial questions before he signed off. Only when the screen went dark did Kathryn notice Chakotay's face. The emotions she saw frightened her – hurt, betrayal, disbelief but mostly anger. He stood as soon as she terminated the communications line.

"You wanted me to hear that? I see now why you didn't want them to know I was here – you let the admiral break the news to me." He turned his back on her and left without giving her the opportunity to speak.

Kathryn was astonished. She had expected Chakotay to be angry but she had never expected him to direct it at her. She needed his insight and suggestions to change the minds of people thousands of light years away but he had turned his back on her and walked away. At the end of her shift, she went to her quarters and waited but the door never opened. She fell asleep on her couch.

The next morning, Kathryn was in her ready room well before her shift started, hoping to avoid Chakotay until she had time to think of a plan to restore their working relationship and hopefully their personal one. He didn't give her enough time. He signaled for admission one minute after Alpha Shift began. Any hope that he was there to listen to her faded when she saw his face.

"Captain, I wish to be put off the ship at the next habitable planet along with as many of my crew as choose to join me." He held out a padd to her. "You are under no obligation, but I hope you will consider allowing us to take some supplies with us. I've prepared a list for your consideration. Long-range scans indicate a planet that should be suitable is about one week ahead of our current position. I suggest you set course for that planet. I will explain the situation to my crew. I will also tell them that as far as I'm concerned, if anyone else wants to come with us, they are welcome. I will be making arrangements to turn over all my files as first officer to my successor. Let me know who that will be. My resignation is also on that padd effective immediately. Please advise me when you have accepted it so I can return to civilian dress."

Chakotay turned to leave but halted when Kathryn spoke.

"What about us?"

"What about us? What I heard yesterday told me there is no 'us.' Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk to my crew."

Kathryn fought back the tears as he left. It was no easier when she finally went to the bridge. The sudden silence and averted glances told her everyone there knew something was wrong. After ordering the course change, she sought out Tuvok and explained to him only that Chakotay and an as yet unknown number of others were going to be leaving the ship. She told him to handle the details with Chakotay and to leave whatever supplies Voyager could safely spare, including medicines and seeds. She also asked him to let anyone who inquired know that she would approve all requests from the original crew to remain with Chakotay's group.

Over the next few days, she noticed that there was an uncomfortable feel among the crew, a tension that had not been there before. Kathryn knew that those who were staying on the ship felt she should prohibit the others from leaving. Those who had decided to leave were afraid she would stop some or all of them. She knew that Tom had decided to stay with B'Elanna when his normal banter from the helm stopped. Kathryn didn't ask who was leaving but she did keep track of how many were staying. The list of remaining crew was one hundred three as they established an orbit around the planet.

Chakotay had consulted with Harry and Tuvok about various sites for their new community. Once a location had been chosen, Tuvok made his final report to the captain. Kathryn accepted the information quietly.

"Advise the crew that we will be landing the ship tomorrow morning. Those going ashore should be ready with their gear in the main cargo hold. They can debark about 10:30."

"Aye, Captain."

That night Kathryn was still holding back the tears. The conversation with the admiral kept replaying through her mind. It had been an improvement over earlier comments, not a significant improvement, but still it was encouraging. Why hadn't Chakotay realized that? Why hadn't he been willing to help her change their minds. All she could remember was his anger and the expression on his face. She had barely heard what he said. She fell asleep at her desk that night and was awakened when she dreamed of the meeting again – only in her dream she heard his words. "What I heard yesterday told me there is no 'us.'" "What I heard…."  What had he heard? Kathryn's heart fell as she recalled what he had heard. He had heard the admiral. He had heard Kathryn say she knew the Maquis issue would be discussed, but he had never heard why Kathryn wanted him to listen and what her plans were. He had never heard what Kathryn had to say. She had been uncertain about going down to watch them leave; now she knew she would.

Kathryn stood in the corridor just outside the door to the cargo bay where Chakotay and those going with him had gathered. She had been standing there five minutes. She nearly changed her mind but knew she would regret it if she didn't at least say goodbye. Before she could reconsider, she stepped forward and the doors opened.

The ramp was down and a fresh breeze blew gently through the cargo bay. Most of the larger items were waiting to be transported ashore on the cargo transporter, but there were still many personal carryalls covering the floor. Kathryn looked over the crowd and only then learned by their dress who was going ashore with Chakotay. She finally located him near the top of the ramp on the other side of the cargo bay. Most of the crew had gathered to say good-bye to their friends and colleagues. The voices died as they realized the captain had entered the room and all eyes turned towards Kathryn.

"Thank you for waiting for me to arrive. I have a few things I wanted to share with all of you before you leave. First of all, I want to thank you for your years of service on Voyager. Each and every one of you has contributed to our journey and made it a little easier for the others. The crew will miss you all. I will miss you all.

"I want to address the reason you have all decided to leave Voyager. I know Chakotay has shared what Admiral Matthews told me last week. Right now, the future of all of you who were once Maquis is rather bleak if we reach Federation space but that could be another thirty-five years. A lot of things can change in that time, including the minds of politicians and admirals.

"What Chakotay didn't tell you, because he didn't know, is that I have no intention of wasting those years and that I have already seen a very slight improvement in their attitudes. I had planned on making it clear to Starfleet that I believed that those charges should be dropped because of your contributions on Voyager or at the very least consider your years served as a reduction in any sentence that might be handed down by the courts. I wanted Chakotay to hear the admiral's words rather than my version. I wanted his input and ideas on how to persuade people nearly thirty-five thousand light years away to change their minds about people they have never met.

"I've never believed that I would not eventually change their minds but I have considered my options if I am unsuccessful. There are basically two. One: I deliver some of you into the hands of Starfleet security. Two: I don't. There are several ways I can accomplish the latter, one of which is what we are doing here today. The only difference is that I had hoped it would be much closer to Earth and many years in our future if it actually became necessary.

"I want to tell you what those of us who remain on Voyager will be doing in the coming years. We'll be continuing our journey as best we can back to the Alpha Quadrant. We'll be running with a minimum crew and many of us will be learning new jobs. I'm not going to kid you or myself; it will be difficult without all of you. I don't know yet how we'll manage but we will."

Kathryn's voice changed slightly and her eyes sought Chakotay's. Everyone in the room knew she was now speaking to one person.

"I don’t want to finish this journey without you; Voyager needs you. You joined this crew and became part of it. I have had one united crew so long, I barely remember the days when anyone was labeled Starfleet or Maquis. I don’t remember what it was like to have another person sitting in the next chair or standing next to me when Voyager was threatened. You promised you’d always be there at my side. You said my needs would come first; you said you loved me. Please don’t make me finish this journey alone without the man I love." With tears in her eyes Kathryn held Chakotay’s eyes for a brief moment, then she turned and spoke quietly to Tuvok. "You have the bridge. When we're ready, take us up and set course for Earth."

Kathryn left quickly, followed by Tuvok. Chakotay stared at the place where Kathryn had been standing while the others watched him. None of them knew quite what to do until B'Elanna finally picked up her personal carryall and indicated that Tom should get his. Taking Tom’s hand, she lead him back toward their quarters on Voyager. The others slowly followed, clearing the area and leaving Chakotay still standing and staring. Harry entered the cargo bay a few minutes later and approached Chakotay.

"Commander, I came to find out whether everyone in the landing party has gone ashore." Harry’s words finally get a response from Chakotay who looked around the empty cargo bay as he ordered the computer to raise the ramp.

"Yes, Ensign, everyone who is going ashore has done so. Do you know where the captain is?"

"The captain is in her quarters I believe, sir." Harry had been on the bridge during Kathryn’s speech and had no idea what was going on. Afraid to ask, he quickly left to return to the bridge.

Tuvok was in the center chair when he heard the door to the turbolift open. Expecting Ensign Kim's return, he did not turn to see who had arrived. A familiar but unexpected voice spoke.

"Permission to resume my post, Commander."

Tuvok turned with a raised eyebrow to observe Tom Paris standing at the door.

"You are out of uniform, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir. I am, sir."

"Take your post, Lieutenant. I suggest that you use part of your lunch break to remedy your oversight."

"Aye, sir."

Tuvok didn't know what had happened after he left the cargo bay, but some hastily keyed in inquiries told him that the cargo ramp was closed and that everyone was still on the ship. When Ensign Kim reported that everyone who was going ashore had done so, he followed his orders to resume their journey.

Kathryn returned to her quarters and sat numbly at her desk. She was unaware of the passage of time until she felt the ship shift slightly as it started its ascent. She stood and moved to the view port and watched the ground drop away and the blue of the sky fade to black and thousands of stars became visible. As the stars started drifting by, she knew it was only a matter of minutes before they went to warp. Then the tears that she had controlled for so long finally won. They streamed down her cheeks in sorrow and defeat.

Chakotay hesitated before stepping within sensor range of the door to the captain’s quarters. That access had been very new and he hadn't tried to use it since he had heard the admiral's message. Now he was unsure it was still valid. He stepped forward and then let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding when the door slid aside allowing him to enter. The room was dark but he could see Kathryn staring out the view port. She didn’t move and he realized that she hadn't heard the door slide open and whisper shut. He walked up behind her.

"Kathryn?" Even though his voice was barely a whisper, she jumped and turned to face him. He opened his arms and waited.

"Chakotay?" Disbelief was in her whisper. She closed the distance between them and put her arms around his waist and her head on his chest. The tears continued, but they had changed to tears of relief not sorrow. “When you didn’t follow me, I thought you would stay with the others. You should have stayed; they need you more than I do but I am so glad you didn’t."

"There is no one on that planet who needs me because no one stayed. They all followed you. In the end, they all followed you. Once you told them how you felt about Starfleet’s plans for those with a Maquis background, no one was willing to leave Voyager. You are their captain; all they needed to know was that they were all your crew."

"What about you? What about us?"

"I will never find the words to adequately apologize for what I thought. I jumped to conclusions and never gave you a chance to explain. My only excuse is that I knew if I talked to you, I would never be able to leave you. They were my crew first. I couldn't risk being too weak to protect them or their freedom." Chakotay kissed her hair. "I do love you, Kathryn. All I need to know right now is that you still love me enough to give me another chance."

"I should be the one asking for another chance. I could have avoided all this."

"How?"

"I was trying to be too diplomatic with Starfleet and I didn’t speak out. I should have let Starfleet know more clearly how I feel about my crew. Tomorrow, no make that the next day, I want you to start compiling a report on each member of my crew on Starfleet’s Maquis list. I want them to know how many hours each one has served on duty and every second of extra time they have put in to keep Voyager functioning. If it means they kept the warp core from breaching, I want the reports to say that. If it means they mopped the floor, Starfleet should know. If it means they made the rest of the crew laugh with a stupid joke, I want that in the reports, too."

"And how soon do you want these reports completed?"

"Oh, they’ll never be completed. We’re going to keep adding to them until Starfleet comes to its senses. I want to start sending them on the next communication window. If you start with B'Elanna, you should be able to assemble a fair sized report on her contributions just from the engineering logs. Once you decide on the format and content for these reports, get the department heads to assign some of their people to do this. And Commander."

"Yes?"

"Have Tuvok prepare and sign the report on my first officer. You sign the others."

"You don’t want to sign these reports?"

"No. By the time the first of these reports are read by Starfleet, they will have no doubt about my position on the status of the former Maquis because I will be making very strong and specific recommendations about the entire crew. They will also have good cause to question my objectivity concerning my first officer."

"Why is that, Kathryn?"

"Well, the crew knows how we feel about each other. They have known your feelings for a long time and if they were in doubt about mine before today, they aren’t any more. I’ll make sure Starfleet knows, too."

"“Knows what exactly?"

"Starfleet will know that my first officer is my best friend, that I trust him with my ship and the lives of my crew, that he loves me, and that I love him." Kathryn leaned back in his arms so she could see Chakotay's eyes. "This has made us stronger. If I had any doubts about 'us' before, they are gone."

"Kathryn, does this mean you're going to give me back my field commission?"

"No. I never accepted your resignation. I couldn't."

"So, I'm still your first officer?"

"You're the captain's first officer and Kathryn's only officer. Welcome home, Chakotay."