by Dakota

It doesn't seem possible, but we've been back on Earth nearly six months now.  The debriefings went on forever. Starfleet made lots of rulings about our journey through the Delta Quadrant, some I approved; others I merely tolerated. Luckily they didn't make any about my crew that I opposed. I don't know who is more fortunate that this is true – Starfleet or me. The one decision Starfleet made that I regret but honestly understand is the one that brought me here today. I wish they hadn't decided to decommission Voyager. She was our home for all the years we spent in the Delta Quadrant. Yes, she is battle scarred and some systems are barely functioning and all of those systems are out-dated. Yes, they have removed all the new technologies we found over the years and are studying them so they can be incorporated into other ships. No, nobody has had the nerve to tell B'Elanna yet, but she thinks she might be pregnant again and Tom is hoping she won't find out about Voyager for a few more months.

I wish this weren't happening. Voyager was our home and I think she should be kept for something -- anything. I think the Admiralty would have dismantled her for the parts if it weren't for all the bad publicity that would generate after the welcome home they gave us. Then there had been talk of turning her into an orbiting museum about the Delta Quadrant, but that was dropped when they decided to keep most of that information classified indefinitely. I think they will eventually give her a new number and a minimal refit and sell her to a commercial transport company.

I walk the corridors of my ship one last time. And Voyager is my ship and I am her captain -- the only captain she was assigned. Yes, at times others commanded but I don't think they or the crew ever really accepted that I was not in command. There are memories in these corridors, my memories, and the memories of Voyager's crew.

There are ghosts on this ship, too. As I walk the corridors I can feel them. I can almost hear their whispers just around the next corner. But most of Voyager's ghosts are friendly ones – the ghosts of treasured memories. The corridors are empty where once they bustled with activity. All those people have left a part of themselves here. I know I have. I hear Tom talking about his latest betting pool in the mess hall. I hear Harry trying to sound confident in his reports from Ops, B'Elanna in engineering, the Doctor in Sick Bay, Naomi everywhere she shouldn't be – they all are the ghosts of Voyager.

There are other ghosts here who haunt me, and my ghosts are not happy ones.  They are the ghosts of my crew who didn't survive to see the Caretaker's array when we first were relocated to the Delta Quadrant. They are the ghosts of others we lost along the way. I also have to deal with the ghosts of all the decisions I made that I did not want to make: Tom's demotion, Harry's reprimand, and countless others like them. They all haunt me. Then there are the ghosts left over from the days Chakotay and I disagreed -- the ghosts of betrayal and disappointment. Oh, how we struggled at times! Those struggles could have torn the crew apart if they had continued but somehow we worked past those days. There is also the ghost of what might have been. The others only appeared recently. That one has haunted me, haunted us, for years. That one bothered me during our journey; today it haunts me more than the others. It is the one ghost I could have kept from Voyager so maybe that is why it is so persistent today. All the might-have-been’s run through my mind but I don't need the ghost to regret the wasted years, the lost opportunities for personal happiness.

Thankfully that ghost has been left on Voyager. A real voice intrudes.

“Kathryn, it's time to go. She's not your ship any more.”

“I know. I just needed to see her one last time. She was the only home we knew for so long.”

“I know. I needed to say good-bye, too. That's why I came to get you instead of just using the com system.”

“Can you feel the ghosts?”

“Yes, but they are Voyager's ghosts and will stay and watch over her for you.”

I smile at Chakotay's words. He always knows how to make me feel better. He holds out his hand and I take it in mine as we head for the airlock leaving behind the ghosts and the lost opportunities. As we walk, he slips his arm around my shoulders so I wrap mine around his waist. We both know there will be no more lost opportunities in our future. We finally laid that ghost to rest once and for all a month after we reached Earth. Tonight I will tell him that instead of hearing ghosts wandering the halls of our home, he will soon be hearing the voice of a child whose only memories of Voyager will be in stories of how mommy met daddy.