by Dakota

Kathryn and Chakotay entered the mess hall along with about twenty others seeking a midnight snack after the Valentine’s Day Dance. Tom, in his usual enthusiasm, had decorated the mess hall with nearly as many decorations as the venue in the holodeck program. He had placed large red and pink plastic hearts all around the room, including over the doors and below the serving counter. The group had successfully raided the kitchen finding several items sans leola root. They carried the food to a large table and shoved aside what was left of the white candles that had provided light for the party. Once settled around the table, they nibbled and chatted for nearly an hour before Kathryn addressed Tom.

“Don’t forget, you had permission to decorate for Valentine’s Day -- and Valentine’s Day only. I expect the mess hall to be back to Starfleet standards when I come in for breakfast tomorrow.” Tom blanched. He was on the Alpha shift and would not be able to get them down in the morning so he dragged Joe, Harry and a few others away from their friends and food to help him clear the mess hall then and there. Chakotay glanced at Kathryn and, seeing a twinkle in her eye, knew that she had made her comment just to make Tom sweat a little.

Ten minutes later, the Command Team rose to leave the mess hall. Tom and Joe were busy taking down the heart over the door as Kathryn and Chakotay were leaving. Kathryn had just started to speak as they exited when Tom lost his grip on the heart. Chakotay saw the heart swivel on the remaining fastener and pulled Kathryn away, but he wasn’t quick enough and the heart grazed her head, knocking her to the floor and leaving her dazed with a nasty gash on her temple. Chakotay quickly picked her up and carried her to sickbay.

The doctor easily healed the gash and gave Kathryn a thorough scan to ensure she did not have a concussion. She complained of a very minor headache so he gave her a mild analgesic and told her to come back if she still had the headache in the morning. Kathryn nearly dragged Chakotay out of sickbay when the doctor told her she could leave. He was mildly surprised when she retained her grasp on his hand as they headed toward her quarters. He was slightly more surprised when she continued on to his quarters and looked at him expectantly. He hesitated.

“Well, aren’t you going to ask me in for cup of tea?”

“I’m sorry. I just assumed you would want to get to bed to get rid of that headache. Of course, you’re always welcome.” Chakotay led the way into his quarters. “What kind of tea would you like?”

“Surprise me. Then I’ll surprise you.” Chakotay wasn’t sure he had heard correctly so he ignored her comment and got two cups of his favorite herbal tea from the replicator. He turned back to the room to see Kathryn sitting on his couch, her shoes on the floor and her legs curled under her. He wondered whether he shouldn’t be calling the doctor.

“Are you feeling all right, Kathryn?”

“Of course. I just had a little headache and it’s almost gone. Come, talk to me.” She patted the couch next to her thigh. He hesitated a moment. “Please.”

Her soft voice was more than Chakotay could resist so he handed her a cup of tea and sat down next to her. Kathryn tasted her tea and smiled her approval but put the cup down on the table almost immediately. She started making small talk about the party and some of Voyager’s newest couples. Her words were like a hundred conversations they had shared over the years. However, her hands were making forays into unknown territory. Her fingers gently traced his arm from shoulder to wrist, and then brushed over the back of his hand before moving to his jaw. Her hand then traced the path her fingers had blazed but applying gentle pressure as it moved. Chakotay stilled as her hands moved over his arm. He wanted to enjoy her touch but knew he should stop her. He forced himself not to respond. Kathryn shifted closer to his side and leaned in to kiss his collarbone. She felt the pulse in his neck quicken and his body stiffen.

“What’s wrong, Chakotay? Don’t you want this?”

“You know I do. I have for a long time.”

“I want this. I don’t want to be apart anymore. Please, may I stay tonight?”

Chakotay searched her eyes looking for something he couldn’t have defined, but found anyway. He gave Kathryn the answer she wanted. He pushed aside any lingering doubts that her decision was real and allowed his love to override all rational thought.

Chakotay woke to find Kathryn sprawled across his chest breathing softly and peacefully. He recalled all of the events of the previous evening and knew she might easily regret her impetuousness. He savored the minutes until her breathing told him she was waking. He felt her confusion when she first realized she wasn’t in her own room, her surprise that she wasn’t alone, and her tension when the night’s activities made their way to her consciousness. She didn’t even try to pull away. Rather she shifted slightly keeping her head turned away from his face. Chakotay knew she was thinking and making a decision. He dreaded that decision. She finally spoke and the regret in her voice was all he needed to hear to know what words would follow.

“Chakotay?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know how to say this.”

“It’s all right. I know what you want to say and  I know your reasons, but I still think you’re wrong. We’ve had this conversation before so I won’t make you revisit the debate but I honestly think we could make this work if we both tried. I know I love you and I think if you were honest you would tell me you love me, too. Give me a few minutes to get dressed then I’ll wait for you in the mess hall for breakfast.” He allowed himself the luxury of one final kiss on the top of her head before he went to shower and change. He never heard her soft sobs over the shower and wasn’t really surprised to find she had left when he returned to the bedroom.

It was business as usual that day for the Command Team.

No one was more surprised than Tom when he managed to get the captain’s approval for a St. Patrick’s Day party. Mindful of the captain’s minor injury on Valentine’s Day, Tom kept all the bright green shamrocks on the walls and not over the doors. The party was a typical Tom effort. As they had done after the Valentine’s Day Dance, a group of the more senior officers decided to raid the kitchen. They met with mixed success this time. The only leola-root free offerings were tomato bisque and mushroom soup. Chakotay and Joe quickly found bread and cheese to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Everyone had a good laugh when B'Elanna threatened to shut down the power grid to the kitchen if the captain didn’t go sit at a table instead of trying to help with the food. She gave in fairly gracefully and the group talked for nearly an hour.

Tom had made sure he didn’t have to have the decorations down until 12:00 the next day so he was able to head for his quarters when they all rose to leave. Kathryn and Chakotay made sure the kitchen was nearly returned to order and left a message for Neelix apologizing for the remaining mess before they left.

As they were leaving the kitchen, Kathryn stumbled into the wall and hit her head against one of the shamrocks. Although there was no mark, Chakotay wanted to take her to sickbay. She refused and said a cup of tea would be more than enough to chase away a very slight headache.  She allowed him to lead her into the corridor. He was mildly surprised when she retained her grasp on his hand as they headed toward her quarters. He was slightly more surprised when she continued on to his quarters and looked at him expectantly. He hesitated. Hadn’t they done this before?

“Well, aren’t you going to ask me in for cup of tea?”

“You know you’re welcome, but haven’t we had this conversation before?” Chakotay led the way into his quarters when she didn’t reply to his question directly.

“Surprise me with a new blend. Then maybe I’ll surprise you again.” Chakotay was pretty sure he had heard correctly this time but he ignored her comment anyway and got two cups of a new herbal tea from the replicator. He turned back to the rest of the room to see Kathryn sitting on his couch, her shoes on the floor and her legs curled under her. He wondered whether he shouldn’t just send her home.

“Are you feeling all right, Kathryn?”

“Of course. I just had a little headache and it’s almost gone. Come, talk to me.” She patted the couch just as she had before. He hesitated a moment. “Please.”

Her soft voice was still more than Chakotay could resist so he handed her a cup of tea and sat down next to her. Kathryn tasted her tea and smiled her approval but put the cup down on the table almost immediately.

Chakotay was getting nervous.  It was almost like they were actors on stage repeating a scene.  Kathryn started making small talk about the party and some of Voyager’s couples.  Her words were like a hundred conversations they had shared over the years and were nearly identical to one only a month earlier.  Again, her hands were making forays into now familiar territory. Her fingers gently traced his arm from shoulder to wrist, and then brushed over the back of his hand before moving to his jaw.  Her hand then traced the path her fingers had blazed but her hand applied a gentle pressure as it moved.

Chakotay stilled as her hands moved over his arm.  He knew where this was leading and wanted to enjoy her touch again but knew this time he had to stop her.  He forced himself not to respond.  Kathryn shifted closer to his side and leaned in to kiss his collarbone.  She felt the pulse in his neck quicken and his body stiffen.

“What’s wrong, Chakotay? Don’t you want this?”

“You know I do. I also know without a tomorrow there can be no tonight.”

“I want this. Please, may I stay tonight?”

“No, Kathryn. I can’t do that again. I held you for one night and let you go. I can’t let you go a second time, so please don’t ask me.”

“Please?”

Chakotay searched her eyes looking for something he couldn’t have defined, but found anyway. He gave Kathryn the answer she didn’t want. He pushed himself to his feet and went to look out the port. He stood several minutes before he realized that Kathryn had joined him and was standing slightly behind him.

“I was faking, Chakotay.” His heart plummeted.

“I didn’t really hit my head tonight. I acted like I stumbled but I didn’t. I wanted a second chance to get it right.”

“You what? Why?” Chakotay was confused to put it mildly.

“I was so sure I was right to keep our relationship purely professional that I ignored everything else – your feelings, my feelings, and other equally valid interpretations of Starfleet regulations. I know how hard these last weeks have been for you; they’ve been just as hard for me. I know the only way you kept going was because you believed it was what I wanted. Well, it was -- but it isn’t anymore. I want to try it your way. I want to try to make our relationship professional and personal. I think you’re right. I think we can make this work because we both want it so badly.”

“Is there anything else, Kathryn?”

“Only that I love you. We were Valentine’s last month. Can we be lucky in love this month?”

“We already are.”