Chakotay stayed in his chair as the rest of the senior staff filed out of the briefing room after their weekly meeting. They had been detained longer than usual by Neelix's plans for a holiday party. In prior years Neelix had blended the holidays from various cultures but this year, he had decided that because so many of the crew were from Earth, they should focus on one holiday and he had chosen Christmas. The discussion had been enthusiastic and at times heated as Tom pushed for extreme frivolity and others tried to keep things a little more moderate. Tuvok had merely watched and avoided commenting unless asked a direct question.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn as she scanned her notes from the meeting. She had not taken part in the discussion about the party but had relied on him to keep things in line and set appropriate limits. She had never been overly involved with the preparations for any party, but she seemed to have distanced herself more than usual. Kathryn finally became aware of his scrutiny and turned to face him.

"Is there a reason you are sitting there staring at me?"

"I just thought you might like to talk about what's bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me."

"Are you sure about that? Every year when Neelix and Tom start making plans for the holiday party, you seem completely disinterested in the entire thing. You're not like that with the other parties and activities. This year you seem particularly distant."

"Do you object to being the one to keep them in line?"

"Not at all, but I do object to you pretending there's nothing wrong when there clearly is."

"If you really want to help, just keep Tom from talking Neelix into a bad idea, ok?"

Chakotay stood up to leave.

"I'll do that anyway, Kathryn, but if you decide you want to talk about it, you know how to find me."

Kathryn was silent as Chakotay left. When he was gone, she realized she hadn't thanked him for his concern. She sighed. Maybe he would stop worrying if she explained what was bothering her. She knew he couldn't change anything, but at least he would know and stop asking questions. She pushed the decision aside for the moment and turned her attention back to a proposal from B'Elanna still in the preliminary stages.

The door whispered open and closed but it was only when Chakotay cleared his throat that Kathryn realized he had returned. He was standing near the door smiling at her.

"The rest of the bridge crew is back from lunch. Join me?" Chakotay eyed the padd Kathryn had been studying. "When we're finished you can go to engineering and discuss that proposal with B'Elanna."

Kathryn smiled. "How did you know that was what I was working on?"

"You spent most of the morning in here instead of your ready room and there is no coffee cup in sight. Only B'Elanna's latest proposal could have had that effect on you."

"Then it must be time for a little lunch with my coffee."

Kathryn stood and together they made their way to the mess hall. Neelix pulled out hot servings of the items he knew they preferred and which had long since disappeared from the main serving line. Kathryn and Chakotay both smiled their thanks as they finished selecting their lunches. They made their way to their usual corner table and sat down. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Kathryn spoke.

"You'll probably think my reasons are silly."

Chakotay thought fast trying to relate that comment to something they had been discussing recently. The only thing he could think of was their conversation after the morning briefing.

"I doubt it, but until you tell me, neither of us will know what I think."

"You know I was raised in Indiana. Well, that area still has a lot of people who celebrate Christmas they way they did 400 or 500 years ago. To a certain extent, my family was no different. It was always a time for friends and family to be together, especially family. The way Tom and Neelix plan their parties, it always seems to be an excuse for friends to get together and eat and drink too much. It just doesn't fit with the way I think about Christmas. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not criticizing them, but I just can't seem to get interested in participating."

"Well, first of all, I don't think your reasons are silly. I'll make you a deal. I'll keep Tom and Neelix out of your way completely if you'll promise not to argue about attending with me."

"It's a deal," Kathryn smiled, "since I know I'm going to lose that argument anyway."

"Good. What do you remember that made Christmas so special."

"Well, Christmas day was always fairly quiet, just the four of us in the morning and maybe one or two others in the afternoon. But Christmas Eve was different. We'd all get together – all of my aunts and uncles and cousins. It was the only time I saw some of them. We'd draw names somehow and exchange presents after a huge dinner. Then the kids would go off and play somewhere while the adults talked. Then we'd go home and it would feel so warm and cozy 'cause Mom always left some fairy lights on in the house. Phoebe and I would go to bed. At least that's what Mom and Dad thought.

"When I was twelve I started my own personal tradition. Once the house was quiet, I would get dressed and sneak out of the house. I'd walk along a path behind our barn toward until it connected to a hiking trail. I'd follow that a mile or so until I reached the top of a small hill that looked over a valley with an old church near the center. I'd listen to the singing and the music. One year the snow was falling ever so gently. It was beautiful. I'd know when the service was almost over because all the lights would go out in the building and you could see the flicker of candles slowly light the room while they sang. Then everyone would come out and head for their homes, laughing and talking. It was so peaceful. I wouldn't even notice I was cold until I was nearly home. Mom must have known what I was doing because I always found a cup of hot chocolate on the kitchen counter when I got home. She never asked me where I was going."

Kathryn sighed and smiled.

"Anyway, that feeling of home and family is what I remember and no matter how hard Neelix and Tom try, they just haven't managed to create that for us. I don't mean that the people on Voyager aren't special to me because they are. This ship is filled with people as dear to me as any of my friends back home and quite a few that are as close as family. I'm probably making more of those memories than they really were."

"How long has it been since you were home for Christmas?"

"Probably twenty years. Once I finished at the Academy I was usually too far away or couldn't get leave, or both. By the time I had enough seniority to request leave and get it, I had too many responsibilities to get away most years. The last time I did manage, there was a freezing rain falling and I couldn't take my walk. I went downstairs and stared at the fire in our fireplace after everyone else was in bed. I thought about the church and wondered if it was even there anymore. About an hour later, my mom came down and made us hot chocolate and we talked while we drank it."

"Well, I can understand why you think something is missing at these parties. Those are wonderful memories." Chakotay smiled as he noticed the time. "Now, I think you wanted to go to engineering this afternoon."

"You're right." Kathryn leveled a mock glare at Chakotay. "You kept me talking far too long. I'll have to think of an appropriate punishment."

"You could always cook me dinner."

Kathryn nearly choked trying not to laugh out loud as she looked at her first officer and he turned hopeful innocent eyes in her direction.

"You're right. The brig is too good for you. 19:00 hours. I'll be in engineering the rest of the day."

With that, Kathryn was gone. Chakotay smiled as he carried their dishes to the recycling area. He had a few things to finish from the morning meeting and B'Elanna's proposal to study. He should be able to get them finished and start a few projects of his own.

Kathryn had just pulled on her boots when the door chimed. She glanced at the chronometer and noted that Chakotay was exactly on time as usual. He had kept his promise to handle all the damage control for the annual holiday party and had not even asked her if she was going to attend with him. He just told her what time to be ready and how to dress. She told the computer to admit him and stood up.

"Hi. Ready to go?"

"All except my coat." Kathryn noticed that Chakotay was carrying his coat and gloves so she handed him her coat and picked up her scarf and gloves. "Now I'm ready."

Kathryn was somewhat surprised when they went to holodeck two.

"Why did you have them use this holodeck?"

"I didn't. I have a little surprise for you first." Chakotay calmly held out Kathryn's coat for her to put on.

"Won't they be expecting us?"

"I told them we'd be a bit late."

The program was already running as they entered the holodeck. Kathryn looked at the scene around her. It was a rural area with scattered woods and a single path leading up a long gradual hill. It was completely unfamiliar but reminded her of her home in Indiana. The air was crisp and cold but the stars were bright in the sky with a huge moon hovering above the trees. A few snowflakes drifted down adding to the light covering on the grass that bordered the path.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay but he said nothing, only smiled and held out his hand. Silently she took his hand and allowed him to lead her along the path. They wandered along the path while Kathryn looked around and enjoyed the quiet darkness as she allowed the memories and emotions of similar childhood walks to return. Chakotay simply walked and watched her enjoy the evening. When she shivered, he tugged gently on her hand. She stepped nearer but continued walking. He let go of her hand and put his arm across her shoulders pulling her closer. She didn't resist. Instead, she wrapped her arm around his waist.

The reached the crest of the hill and Chakotay guided them to the side of the path where they could look over the valley below. There, nestled among the trees, stood a small church dating back to the 19th century. As they stood, Kathryn became aware of music drifting toward them on the night air. The flickering lights in the windows told her that candles provided the only illumination. The service ended and the people emerged bundled in heavy coats to protect them from the cold, laughing and talking as they made their way home.

"It's perfect." Kathryn whispered the words as if afraid to break the spell.

When most of the people had disappeared among the trees, Chakotay led Kathryn across the path to a small trail leading into the trees. Kathryn wondered what else he had planned for her. The trail was short and they emerged in a clearing in front of a log cabin. The dim flickering light in the windows promised a fire inside. Chakotay led her up the steps and inside the cabin. Stomping the snow from their feet, they shed their coats.

"Go get warm by the fire. I'll get us something hot to drink."

Kathryn followed Chakotay over to the fireplace that took up all of one wall of the cabin. He added some logs to the flames then moved to the other side of the cabin. Kathryn warmed her hands briefly as she studied the room. It was plain and simple. A large window occupied the wall across from the door but Kathryn didn't bother to investigate the view. A couch and some chairs were near the fire with a table to one side where it could be used but not block the heat. Kathryn smiled as she stared at the rug on the floor in front of the hearth. Chakotay had spared her the traditional bearskin rug but the one he had chosen looked every bit as warm and inviting. She hesitated only a moment. This was a night to relax and enjoy the simple things. She sat on the floor and leaned against the couch. She stretched lazily then pulled her knees up to her chin and watched the flames.

Kathryn barely glanced up when Chakotay joined her on the floor. She sipped the drink he handed her, not surprised that it was not coffee. He placed a huge bowl of popcorn in front of her and took a handful for himself.

"Hmmm. That's good."

"Hot mulled cider and popcorn seemed appropriate for a night like this."

"It's perfect."

They talked quietly about childhood memories and family traditions as they nibbled the popcorn. When Kathryn shivered, Chakotay reached behind him on the couch for a blanket, wrapped it around them and pulled her closer. She settled against him comfortably as the conversation continued uninterrupted. Eventually they ran out of stories and settled into a comfortable silence. Chakotay was nearly asleep when Kathryn spoke.

"Chakotay?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you go to all this trouble for me?"

"After all these years you still have to ask?"

"Tonight I think I do. You've never actually told me and I've never been ready to hear the words, but tonight I think I am."

"I love you, Kathryn. I have for a very long time. I wanted us to share a Christmas like those you remembered from your childhood. I wanted it to be special, just the two of us."

"It has been special, Chakotay. I wish it could always be like this, just the two of us."

"It can be."

"Oh, I don't think so. We can't very well take the fire and the snow onto the bridge." Kathryn paused and Chakotay thought she had finished. He was wrong. "But I would like to see if we can take the two of us as we are right now with us when we leave."

"As in dinner every evening, holding hands on the turbolift and goodnight kisses?"

"That and more – when we're off duty of course."

Chakotay leaned his head to bring his lips to hers as a test of her sincerity. Kathryn's response removed any doubts from his mind.

"You know, Kathryn, I think we have a lot of young officers who need more experience standing watch on the bridge. I might just have to take us off the roster so they can have more shifts."

"Don't even consider it." Kathryn rejected his idea. "At least not until you've had time to work it into the roster gradually and we've had time to fight over the whole issue a couple of times in front of Tom. We can't make it look like we're too eager, now can we?"

Kathryn turned her head up to kiss him again. "Thank you, Chakotay. You've made all my childhood memories come alive again and helped me make a new one that is even better."

Chakotay hated what he was going to say next. "It's not over yet. Remember we're expected to show up for a while at the party?"

"I don’t want to ruin this evening."

"Neither do I. We're late as it is and if we don't show up, we're going to have to explain why. Besides, I don't think anything can spoil this evening, do you?"

"Not when you put it like that, no."

Chakotay stood and pulled Kathryn to her feet. He hugged her and kissed her forehead.

"We'll come back here when we can spend the entire evening."

They put their coats on. To Kathryn's surprise, Chakotay led her along a different trail than the one they had taken to reach the cabin. He saw her puzzled look but ignored it. The trail curved down the hill and opened into a clearing where a huge log cabin stood. There was clearly a party going on inside.

"I thought you said the party was on holodeck one."

"It is, but this is what it looks like when you enter.  Computer, initiate site to site transport to holodeck one."

If Kathryn hadn't felt the tingle of the transporter, she would not have known they had moved.

As they approached the door, Chakotay asked, "Kathryn, we're off duty now. Does the holding hands start tonight or do you want to wait a few days before we give the grapevine some new stories to spread?"

"Well, just don't get too carried away."

Kathryn and Chakotay entered the large cabin quietly hoping to attract a minimum of attention. Everyone was gathered around the fire sitting on couches, chairs, or the floor listening as Celes talked quietly off at one side. Most had mugs or glasses in their hands which they sipped as they listened. A few heads turned as the cold air wafted in the door with Kathryn and Chakotay, but only Neelix walked over to greet them. He silently took their coats and motioned them to join the others. Kathryn saw a vacant spot on the floor in front of the center couch and thought perhaps the space had been saved for them.

As Celes paused there was a slight shifting as people eased muscles held in one position too long.

"Well, that's my story. My present is for Joe Carey and I can't wait to hear his story." Celes smiled as her gift for Joe was passed from person to person until it reached him. As the present made its way to Joe, Chakotay and Kathryn moved toward the vacant spot. Chakotay sat down on the floor and the people on the couch shifted to make room for Kathryn, but she motioned them to stay as they were and sat down next to Chakotay.

As Joe opened his gift and admired it before thanking Celes, Chakotay whispered an explanation of what was going on to Kathryn. "Everyone drew one person's name. We're passing out the presents one at a time and each person has to share a special memory of a holiday or family event with the rest of us. When they finish, they present the next person with their gift and that person shares their memory. Neelix was the first and we'll continue until we've all received presents."

"I didn't have anyone's name."

"We had each other's names, Kathryn."

Hot chocolate had appeared for both Kathryn and Chakotay as Joe began his story. Kathryn slowly sipped hers and wondered how long it had taken Chakotay to convince Tom and Neelix to do this. She decided it didn't matter. He had made sure that this holiday was special for everyone. She set her mug on a nearby table and slid closer to Chakotay forcing him to put his arm around her shoulders. She stretched up to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear.

"Thank you. I love you, too."

Because they were focused on Joe's story, only a few saw Kathryn kiss Chakotay but before the evening was over they had all noticed her leaning against him listening contentedly as Voyager's family began building their own special memories.