by Sheri & Dakota  NC-17

We never told the crew, not even Tuvok or B'Elanna, but Chakotay and I met a very long time before the Caretaker dragged us all to the Delta Quadrant. Maybe I should say I met the boy who grew into the man I was sent to hunt down in the Badlands and he met the young woman who became a captain assigned to hunt down a terrorist.  We were both very different people then.

We don't talk about those times much, and I'm not really sure why.  Maybe it's because we want to keep them safe and intact – good memories of happier, more carefree times that we can share without mentioning, for to mention them would be to tarnish them. Or maybe it's because to acknowledge those times would be to admit to ourselves a relationship would work.  I can't do that and he won't push the issue.  Either way, they are memories that I will treasure for a lifetime.  A part of me still hopes that I will tell my grandchildren about the time grandma and grandpa first met.

It all began forty years ago, when my parents decided to take my sister and me on vacation -- camping. Even at six I would much rather have stayed at home then go vacation at some campground where we had to survive with no replicator, no bathtub, no civilized anything!

We went to a campground in Upper Michigan, a site that they had preserved along Lake Superior for all those people who enjoyed primitive camping.  Here they did not have any of the modern conveniences; they only had a few water showers that we had to share with strangers.  There was no heat in the chilly nights except for an open fire and no replicator – my mom expected us to help cook.  It definitely was not my idea of a vacation.

I have to admit that it was a beautiful place with some of the best sunsets around, but I still managed to grumble as much as I could.

It was there that I met Chakotay, whose father was trying to teach his family about all of Earth's wildernesses. They lived on the planet Dorvan yet came to Earth as often as possible.

The first few years of these camping experiences are a blur; I guess I was too young to retain a complete memory of all of it, but I do remember meeting him.  The first couple of years we only had a few days to play together, but after that our parents started coordinating their vacations, so we had the entire two weeks together.  I guess we complained less if we were off exploring together.

My first clear memory was the year I was ten years old and Chakotay eleven because that was the first year our parents finally stopped asking us to account for every footstep before we left the campgrounds.  Phoebe was finally old enough to find her own friends so it was also the first year she was not tagging along or popping out of the brush bothering us.

We set off to go on a hike around the park; it wasn't very crowded that day so most of our favorite places were virtually deserted; a veritable gold mine to two young kids. We took some fruit and popcorn and drinks, told our parents we'd be gone for a few hours and set off.

The first hour we didn't do much but walk; I was actually getting a little bored and was ready to suggest going back.  Before I could suggest returning, he admitted to needing to use a bathroom.  Since there weren't any around, like any boy he just shrugged, walked to the nearest tree and whipped it out. I was disgusted, thinking how rude he was, and turned away from him.

To this day I don't know why I did it.  I could still hear that he wasn't finished, but I turned around anyway and got more than my young eyes had ever seen.  I knew what boys had; I was quite well educated, yet had never seen one in person, even if this wasn't all that close up.  My mouth must have dropped open, but I managed to turn away before he caught me staring.

Chakotay finished up only moments later and turned to me. I'm not sure if he knew I saw it or not, but I sure wasn't going to admit it. We walked for a short while more when my need made itself known. I had mumbled to him that it was so easy for boys; he in return said it shouldn't be a problem for me to find someplace to squat and that I should quit grumbling and just do it.

I had felt that disgust welling up in me again.  Didn't he know how messy that could be for girls? I did it anyway, quickly finding a place to hide with no signs of poison ivy and took care of business. I almost wanted to laugh when I got up and noticed Chakotay turn quickly away, a definite blush on those golden cheeks. So I wasn't the only one to sneak a peek.

The following year was miserable for me.  Chakotay's family did not come, at least not at the same time we were at the park.   Even the park rangers knew I was not happy that summer which did not please my parents.  I nearly refused to go the following year, but my father put his foot down and said this was a family vacation and I was stuck being family.  Mutiny quelled!

I was glad my father had insisted because Chakotay was there.  When we met at the park we had a typical adolescent reunion.  Neither of us would admit we were glad the other was there or that we had missed each other the previous year.  Even in later years, I never once admitted to him how miserable I had been the year he had not come to the park.  At twelve you didn't admit that you might like a boy, even if he was only a friend, especially to the boy.

Chakotay seemed equally happy to see me and right away asked if we could go on our usual hike around the park.  We let our parents know our plans, and heard no objections.  There was a near disaster when my sister practically begged to go and my dad asked if I would mind.  It seems her friends from the year before had left early that morning and would not return until evening.  My mom saved the day by insisting Phoebe go with her to pick up a few supplies at the local stores.  I couldn't believe Phoebe fell for that one!  Mom had more than enough for our entire stay and we all knew it.

Chakotay and I followed the same trail we did two years ago, and just like then, an hour into the hike Chakotay let me know he had to go. I felt my heart begin to flutter as I wondered if I could get the same peek I did before.

Imagine my shock when he smiled at me and asked if he should go into the woods to hide or if he should just let me look here? I just smiled back and watched in fascination as he took out that member, turned just slightly to hide what he was doing and let it go.

Once he finished he turned back to me, with his member still hanging out.  He watched my face as I stared at him before finally asking me if I wanted to touch it.  I still had my mouth open and was completely incapable of speech so I replied with a vigorous nod and reached out before I lost my nerve.  I was frightened when that appendage began to grow hard and jerked my hand back. Chakotay got embarrassed by my reaction and quickly redid his pants.  It was a long time before I realized exactly why he had reacted to my touch.

The rest of the hike went in silence until we reached a clearing in the woods. Chakotay stopped me, leaned in close and gave me a small kiss on the lips, my first kiss.

We met again three years later, either or both of our parents too busy to make the trip again until then. I don't know why Chakotay and I never communicated during the rest of the year but saying that I was happy to see him is an understatement of profound proportions.

Chakotay came striding into our camp area.  He greeted my parents, conveyed greetings from his parents to them, and even hugged Phoebe.  Finally he asked me to take a walk down to the lake.  Once we were out of sight, he stopped me and hugged me, much to my surprise, so I hugged him back.  He told me how he missed me and couldn't wait to take me on 'our' hike. I smiled at him and asked him when we could leave. We planned it for the next day, neither of us quite sure just what kind of exploring we might do.

We set off early, planning on being gone for most of the day. I noticed he carried a backpack that seemed quite full but I didn't say a word about it.  I just handed him some fruit and popcorn, which he stuffed in on top and we left.

It took over hour to reach the spot where I made my first discovery of him; he kept stopping along the trail and giving me small kisses.  He stopped and I let out a laugh and asked him if he had to go again; he smiled back at me and said 'no'.

He took off the backpack and pulled out a blanket.  Once it was spread out he gestured for me to sit down while he pulled out a small picnic for the two of us.  I laughed when I realized that he had brought everything except fruit and popcorn, knowing that I would bring it.  While we ate we talked about the events of the past three years. I was relieved to learn he did not have a current girlfriend, and hadn't really had one at all yet.  When we were finished eating he moved closer to me then asked if I would be his girlfriend.  I answered him with a bold kiss, letting him know the answer was yes.

He grew a little bolder when he wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me close while he kissed me again, this time more intensely.  I had imagined longer kisses from Chakotay during the years we were apart, but nothing I had ever imagined felt like his kisses.

Chakotay finally pulled back and gave me a look that I found hard to understand.  It was only when he gulped and asked me if I would touch him that I finally understood.  I hesitated only briefly before looking into his eyes and nodding my head.

I was nervous; we were three years older, our bodies had changed a lot. I had heard from my friends, and knew from books, just how far we could go at this age, and briefly wondered just what would happen today.  His hands undid his pants and pulled out that tool of his, a bit larger than I remembered it from three years earlier.

My hands reached out to touch him.  Chakotay gasped as it began to grow but this time I was prepared and didn't pull back. My small hands circled it, unsure of what to do.  His hands joined mine and showed me how to stroke him.   Less then a minute later he moaned and ejaculated, and showed me something new once again, not my most pleasant new experience that day.

Chakotay then said it was my turn, if he could try something he had been told about.  He was clearly asking my permission.  Since this was all new territory for both of us I thought it couldn't hurt to try at least once so I gave him a nod.

Chakotay asked me to remove my shorts, almost as embarrassed as I was at the request.  I bit my lower lip as I took off my shorts; I didn't even undress in front of my Dad any more. He then instructed me to lie down and I watched as he moved himself down between my legs.  I finally realized what he was planning and was a little uncertain.  I had tried to masturbate a few times, but had always been unsuccessful at it.  I thought for a moment that I should tell him, but then decided against it; maybe I could just fake it.  I tried to relax and trust him.

I should have known I would be wrong.  As soon as I allowed myself to relax I felt the first tingle begin in my belly.  He was eagerly licking and sucking away, a little awkward at it, yet eventually hitting all the right spots. Soon that tingling moved down between my legs and built up until I exploded for the first time against his mouth. I wasn't prepared for what I felt; it almost upset my stomach, but only for a moment. My head was swimming, my heart beating fast; I wanted to speak yet found it difficult to do.

I know I gasped as I came down from my natural high to feel him climbing on top of me. He looked me in the eye as he positioned himself between my legs, his organ hard and resting against my thigh. All he said was "Can we?" and my only response again was a nod; I suddenly wanted this as much as he did.

He fumbled at first as his organ tried to find my moist hole; first thinking he had it, giving a small push and realizing that wasn't quite it. I was nervous anticipating the pain that would come, and thought at first against helping him out. It was his third attempt that convinced me it would hurt me a lot more if he kept trying and missing, than if he tried and succeeded.  My hand shyly reached down and grabbed his throbbing organ, guiding it to where it should go. With my hand still hanging on, hoping to slow down his eagerness, he slowly pushed it in.

I cried out and he stopped, looking at me with a bit of fright in his eyes, "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, finally releasing him to do what he was supposed to. He must have gotten the hint because seconds later he thrust again and buried himself all the way inside me.  He paused a moment.  I think we were both savoring the new sensations.  Our breathing was heavy; our bodies in shock, neither knowing how long this would last.

Then Chakotay started experimenting in moving, just a couple slow strokes, then groaned.  His body shuddered as he spurted his seed inside of me.   I was surprised that I could feel it, that sudden warm gush, but that’s what triggered my orgasm, sending me flying once again.

We both lay there together, enjoying the moment of the first time, until I felt his organ begin to slip out and I winced. We both looked at each other, and smiled shyly then he leaned over to kiss me, telling me he loved me.

I guess that you could say that wasn't bad for a first time, there was pain, yes, but it was glorious all the same.

We couldn't seem to stay apart; we spent every moment we could together. I'm still not sure why our parents weren't suspicious of our behavior.  Chakotay finally told me the good news -- he had applied to Starfleet Academy and was awaiting the answer whether he could get in early. His parents weren't too happy about it at all, but that wasn't going to stop him.

He said Starfleet and I were all he could think about, and he was sure he would be accepted. The anticipation of knowing he would be only a transporter away was all the excuse we needed so the two of us made an excuse to wander down to the lake to find someplace to have sex again.

I started wondering if there was something wrong with me; it seemed I couldn't get enough of this, joining with him in the most intimate of ways.  We were getting much better at the exercise and were beginning to experiment with variations – any variation we could think of or had heard about from friends. I had found myself very comfortable with him and he with me so we would talk about the things our friends talked about, then we would sneak off and give it a try.

I even found myself asking him the odd thing to do here or there. I wanted to watch him pleasure himself, he the same with me. Of course, just watching was not enough; we both had to share the experience later.  I wanted to try sex in the water, not as pleasant as I had imagined.  However, along the edge of the water on the beach was much better.  He wanted to try anal sex.  I told him absolutely not; of course I gave in a few days later and discovered I would have been better off not doing it.  I'm not sure that he agreed though.

We felt rather silly sneaking into the outdoor showers together late one night. I was dying to wash that body of his, and thoroughly enjoyed it, too.  It also gave us a place to try sex standing up – trees were just too uncomfortable for that.

I couldn't say I had an orgasm every time. He discovered he really liked going down on me, but he didn't do that every time.  It was much harder for me to reach orgasm if he didn't, but he always followed up with his hands.  Don't get me wrong; I still enjoyed the sex every time.

When we finally had to part that summer, I was miserable.  I looked at Chakotay and knew our summer idyll was over and would probably never be repeated.  He had been accepted at Starfleet.  By the time he could come camping again, I would be at the Academy.  I was sure my parents suspected something, but I doubt it was anything close to reality.  I didn't think twice about kissing him before we boarded the hover car.  I know that kiss told my parents as much as it told Chakotay, but they never asked me anything about that summer.

Surprisingly, even though we were both at the Academy at the same time, our paths never crossed.  I started two years after Chakotay did and wasn't surprised the first term or two that we did not meet.  During his last year, we should have but one or the other of us was always off on some special training assignment.  I never asked my dad, but I don't think it was coincidence.  We were both serious about our careers and knew better than to risk them now.  I thought we had plenty of time after I finished.  I managed to make it to his graduation but I doubt that he knew I was in the crowd.

Despite all that, as far as I was concerned, we remained friends, good friends, and that will always be precious to me.  But to continue as lovers…that just wasn't written in the stars, then or now.

Or so I thought…

My mind begins to wander, wondering how his body looks now.  It was beautiful then; I'm sure it's magnificent now.  The youth is now a mature male.  I doubt I've aged quite so well.  So many times I've had the chance to have him back in my bed and I know he would have been there to stay.  But I had always been taught that personal relationships create nothing but problems if you also share a command relationship.  Besides, protocol discourages it.

Why did I allow myself to remember that summer?  I think it was that monkey's fault.  He startled me earlier this evening and Chakotay came when I called.  I caught him staring at me in my towel and something in his eyes took me back to Lake Superior.  I've avoided those memories for two years on Voyager, telling myself that they belong in the past and that I'll always have him as long as I remember.  But now, after being abandoned here in the Delta Quadrant on a planet we now call New Earth, I am no longer content with just a memory of Chakotay.  I feel the loneliness soaking into my bones and I wonder whether he would still accept an invitation to my bed if I extended one.  He finishes whatever he is doing at the stove and comes to sit with me to eat, jerking me back to the present.

"You looked lost in thought, a penny for them," he says.

"Oh, I was just remembering…" I start then let my voice fade away.  Talking about those days could mar them forever.

"Tell me," he says.  Would he have encouraged me had he known?  Or did he know what I had been thinking?

"I was remembering a time at a small campground where I met a boy who changed my life," I say.

He knows exactly what I mean, "Ah, yes.  Those sound like they were wonderful times, Kathryn.  I'm sure his life was as changed as yours was."

"They were the best times, Chakotay.  I miss those days.  He and I were both so free, so alive," I say.  He has finished eating so we both get up from the table.

"Those days don't have to be over, Kathryn.   That girl and boy can still be together."

I sigh. "Chakotay, a relationship could complicate things."  I stop and try again.  "No, there's more to it than that.  I treasure those memories, that man, those experiences and I don't want to risk destroying them."

"Kathryn, those memories are yours forever just as they are mine forever.  Nothing we do, or don't do, can change them.  I think we can make more memories, better memories, if we try."

I want to turn to him and yell at him, tell him that he's wrong but I can't seem to do it. It's only the two of us here, probably forever. And although he IS the last man on New Earth, he is also the first man I would choose if there were a million. I love him; I have no doubt in my mind about that.  Words escape me.  How do I tell him I'm tired of being alone, that I want to try to recapture that wonderful summer?

Chakotay watches me struggle with my thoughts, then he smiles. "I remember the first time we discovered each other."

I smile back at him, "I do, too."

He gets up and reaches for my hand.  I meet his eyes with mine.  I see the man who had been my first officer for two years but I also finally admit I also see the boy from my summer of discovery and the question in his eyes is still the same.  All these years and nothing has changed between us.

I take his hand and stand up.  He leads me to the bathroom and stops me just outside door and continues to walk in. He stops in front of the toilet and relieves himself, just like before, standing to the side so that I can only partly see.

When he turns to me I see his pants are still undone.  "Kathryn, do you want to touch it?" he asks.

We both laugh at the same words he used so long ago, but my hands are more confident now and I reach out eagerly.  After two years, I am finally ready to grasp the happiness, the love, I first found nearly thirty years ago camping on Lake Superior.