Complete silence.  Not even the sigh of slowly moving air in the distance or a thrum of machinery.  Just silence.  She could hear nothing.  She always thought she would welcome it, but now that she had silence, it was a more than a little unsettling.

It was dark, too.  Pitch black.  It was not a pleasant sensation straining your eyes against the darkness and not being able to detect any trace of light.  She had never liked complete darkness and this was blacker than anything she had ever experienced.

She tried to move and couldn't but the pain kept her from noticing.  She didn't even hear herself scream into the silence as she blacked out.

Her mind was dizzy with thoughts when she next became aware of her surroundings. What had happened to her?  Who was holding her captive?  Where was she?  Who was she?  She had no idea.

Frustrated that she couldn't answer any of the questions, she tried to move again.  She couldn't but this time she knew she was being held in place.  She couldn't feel her restraints but could tell they were there.  Even her head was immobilized.  Fear flashed through her prompting her to try to escape; she struggled against the restraints and was rewarded with pain in every part of her body.  She lost consciousness before she could scream this time.

Her next conscious thought was remembering her name and where she was supposed to be.  She was Kathryn Janeway, captain of Voyager.  The last thing she remembered before all this blackness was being on Voyager but she couldn't remember what she had been doing or where exactly she had been.  The only explanation that made sense was that she had been abducted because this was certainly no place on Voyager.  If she had been brought here voluntarily she would not be restrained so the only explanation was abduction.

She became aware of something on her arm, a hand maybe.  She couldn't quite make out what the hand, if that's what it was, was doing because all it brought was pain, too much pain.  What did they want from her?  She felt so disconnected, so alone.  She tried to cry out but there was no sound.  Suddenly the hand was gone.  She couldn't feel anything and then she realized the pain was gone, too. In fact all sensation was gone, and this time it was a relief.

Kathryn let her mind drift to keep herself occupied. She needed to stay awake to find out what was going on.  She thought back to her childhood, to when she was a teenager, to her Mom, to caramel brownies, and to her sister.  They were always fighting yet the love was strong. She remembered her Daddy and how she missed him. Then there was Justin, so long ago and later Mark. Was that really love?  No, it wasn't, not like love was supposed to be. Love, like a brother – no, not quite that but definitely not the love for the man you were going to marry.  No matter, he was in her past with Justin.  She wondered why it didn't bother her that Mark was in her past.  She couldn't remember why and as she struggled to find the reason she realized the pain was back.  It had been gradually creeping back while she wandered among her memories.  The pain was growing steadily until even thinking hurt.  She started to struggle so she could escape the pain but it swept through her body like a tsunami and she lost consciousness.

Kathryn slowly became aware of her surroundings again.  How long had she been out, if you could call it that?  It could have been minutes or hours, even days.  There was no way for her to know.

She was vaguely aware that at times she had been caught between waking and sleeping, at least that's how it felt. She hated this. She had always been one who liked being in control; that’s what made her such a good caption.  She was a good captain, wasn't she? There were a few decisions that she wasn't proud of, like the Equinox. No, she was not proud of her actions then.  What about all the encounters with the Borg?  She had put the entire crew at risk, but had it been worth the risk?  In hindsight, it had but she knew that luck had been a factor.  Many others had paid the price for her errors in judgment and many more could have.

Kathryn jerked herself back to the present.  Was her crew aware of where she was?  Were they trying to find her? Or had they presumed she was dead and left her behind?  That brought her full circle:  who had kidnapped her?  Were they cruel and intentionally torturing her?  Or were they noble and just didn't realize they were hurting her?  A new thought occurred to Kathryn.  Did anyone actually have her?  Had she been taken from Voyager by some natural phenomenon?  Was it possible that the crew couldn't find her? It was funny the games the mind could play, the questions that it could raise. She tried not to consider all the possibilities that would keep Voyager from finding her but it was so difficult.  She tried to focus on her trust in her crew and the determination of her first officer to find her but it was so hard with the only sensations being pain and an occasional touch.

An occasional touch, but who would touch her?  Chakotay would, but not very often -- a hand on her waist as she walked by, an arm to escort her.  Yes, Chakotay was the only one who would touch her. Chakotay. Now was that a pleasant thought?  Yes, for the most part, it was. Funny, she had always assumed he loved her, yet after New Earth he had never mentioned his feelings again.  She knew that ancient legend had come from his heart.  Once she would have said it was a love story, but was it?  Maybe it was just a way to show his devotion as a friend.  After she had told him that Mark had moved on she thought he would finally say something about his feelings or try to encourage her to add a more personal component to their relationship.  But he hadn't.

Then the doubts came.  With all the mistakes she had made, would they try to find her?  How much would Chakotay miss her?  She had pushed him away personally. Why?  Protocol.  Was that a good reason?  She had told him it was and used Starfleet to support her decision.  She knew that those protocols had never anticipated a ship being this far from the Federation for so long.  Of course, the brass might not have admitted that they didn't mind, but they would have caused no trouble unless it clearly interfered with ship's business.  So why had she refuse to change her decision?  Fear?  That was definitely a good reason. Was there any other?

Yes, there was another: experience. She didn't have a lot of experience in real relationships.  Mark and Justin were so easy, especially Mark.  She had come and gone as she pleased, escaping the relationship when it became boring or burdensome or simply took too much of her time. Mark allowed her to do that.  He knew her career was important.  Even then she knew how wrong she was to treat him like that.  Experience.  Her experience had not prepared her for the type of relationship that would develop if she became involved with Chakotay.  Oh, he wouldn't make demands of her or hold her back, but she knew she could never walk away from him as she had Mark.   The only thing he would ask of her was complete honesty about he feelings.  Kathryn didn't know whether she could do that.

An unknown time later, Kathryn found her mind wandering through various scenarios of her life in the Delta Quadrant.  But not on the pleasant thoughts, only the painful:  there had been too much death.  But there were a few good things like Naomi who was such a bright spot in this journey. She was always so happy and pleasant. She didn't know what a miserable place Voyager was for a child.  Then there were Tom and B'Elanna.  Their happiness seemed to spill over onto everyone else. What about Neelix?  He was irritating at times, but that little Talaxian did his best to make sure everyone was happy.  When was the last time Kathryn or anyone else had bothered to ask him if he was happy?

Kathryn was trying to focus more on specific people but a new wave of pain hit her, much stronger than before. Just what were they doing to her?  What was it they wanted that they felt they had to inflict all of this on her?  This was no way for them to get information from her; this was torture, pure and simple.  Kathryn suddenly realized why the pain was so strong.  She had been asleep all this time and was waking up.  They must need her awake to finish what they were doing whatever that was.

Kathryn fought it at first but finally gave in to the urge to open her eyes.  She wanted to see the face of her enemy.  She would face her captors and let them know they would not win this one.  She would be strong and fight them until the end.

As her eyes fluttered open, a bright light assaulted them. Kathryn heard voices and then the light dimmed.  She tried to see what was in the room, but her vision was blocked by something. It took her a minute before she realized that the something was a face, and it was talking to her softly.  She could hear the voice but couldn't understand the words.  She tried to speak, but couldn't.  Who was this?  Her vision cleared slightly and the face came into focus.  A man.  Human.  He looked familiar, but her brain refused to function properly; she could put no name to the face. Then she noticed them -- the lines on his face.  Her hand reached out to touch them.  Chakotay, that’s who this was.  She knew him.  He had found her.  She felt herself drifting off once again, but now knew it was safe to do so.  She didn’t fight it to stay alert anymore.  She allowed the healing peace of sleep take hold secure in the knowledge that Chakotay was there to protect her.

It was many days before they explained to Kathryn what had happened.  They waited while she recovered not wanting to stress her until she was strong enough to handle the knowledge. She had never left Voyager; she had been on board the entire time.  She had been helping B'Elanna with some engineering problems.  She accessed a Jeffries tube to make a minor repair and had climbed up several decks when she slipped and fell four decks, bouncing off the walls as she fell. She had broken both arms and legs, her back, her pelvis, a fractured skull, and innumerable internal injuries with massive internal bleeding. They didn't tell her for two more weeks that initially the doctor doubted she would survive. He and Tom had worked for hours to stop the bleeding and repair major organs.  The following day they had worked more hours repairing the broken bones. They kept her in a restraining field to increase her chances of recovery.  The restraints were gradually removed.

As the days dragged on Kathryn had remained unconscious and the doctor feared the worst.  Chakotay had been a constant presence in sickbay, leaving Tuvok to run the ship until he knew she was going to live.  As Kathryn began responding to sounds, he took up a station by her side and talked to her for hours about the ship and the crew.  Once when he touched her, she contorted her face.  A few days later he touched her again but this time she seemed to relax prompting his first smile since she had been injured.  The day finally came when she opened her eyes when he spoke her name.  There was no recognition in her eyes, only confusion, until her hand moved to his temple.  The recognition in her eyes was accompanied by a slight smile before she drifted off to sleep.  Chakotay relaxed as he realized this was the healing sleep she needed instead of a coma.  Alerted by his instruments that Kathryn had awakened, the doctor found them there a short time later, Chakotay's hand firmly holding Kathryn's while he slept in the chair by her side.