by Dakota

Kathryn paced the living area of the quarters she had been assigned at Space Dock. She hadn't really had much time to think in the last few days and now she had far too much time to think. Voyager had stumbled upon an unstable wormhole leading to an area just outside Federation space. The wormhole's instability posed a serious risk to Voyager but Kathryn, after consultation with her senior staff, had decided to take that risk. Only three hours after finding the wormhole, Voyager entered it and shortly thereafter exited the wormhole ten light years from Federation space. Two hours and forty-seven minutes later, the wormhole collapsed.

Upon exiting the wormhole, Kathryn immediately sent a subspace message to Starfleet updating them on their location and ordered a course set for Earth. Kathryn received orders from Starfleet to maintain high warp and communications silence. About halfway to Earth, Voyager met a pair of escort vessels who matched Voyager's course and speed but made no effort to contact them. Those vessels warned off any approaching ships to stay clear of their space and to make no further efforts to communicate. Kathryn had been somewhat surprised that Voyager had been assigned a bay in Space Dock. Now she knew why. Starfleet was not announcing Voyager's return – at least not yet.

Concerned about the reasons for the secrecy, Kathryn discussed possible explanations with Chakotay and Tuvok but the only reason that made any sense was that some people might still have a problem with the Maquis. She ordered her senior officers to complete detailed reports on all the crew making sure the contributions of the former Maquis were included. She told Tuvok to prepare a report on Chakotay but not to show it to her. She also told both Chakotay and Tuvok to prepare a detailed report on her actions and decisions over the years and to restrict her access to those reports.

When she gave those orders Kathryn had hoped she was being paranoid but now she knew she had been right. For the first time since she left New Earth she was glad she had not followed through with a relationship with Chakotay. So many times she had been tempted and so many times her training had won out over her personal desires. She knew he had accepted her explanation about protocol but did not agree that is was applicable to Voyager's situation. Kathryn had allowed him to remain unaware of her real reason – when they got home, Starfleet must have no reason to question her objectivity about the Maquis members of her crew, especially Chakotay.

Starfleet had been questioning Kathryn for ten days now but had asked the same questions over and over after about four days. The always came in with a new question about this species or that anomaly, but soon were back to New Earth, Chakotay, the Equinox, the Borg, Sudor, B'Elanna, Tom, or species 8472. By far the most questions were about Chakotay and New Earth and their relationship after Voyager returned for them. For a few days they even questioned her about Tuvok's loyalty to Starfleet, especially his decision to contact the Vidiians against her express orders.

Kathryn glanced at the clock – they were late this morning.  It was nearly midshift and no one had arrived for the daily interrogation. Waiting was almost worse than the endless repetition of the same questions; it gave her too much time to think about the might-have-beens of her years on Voyager. She would know soon whether the sacrifice of her personal happiness had been worth it.

The chime for admission startled Kathryn – normally her interrogators simple walked in unannounced. The chime rang again before Kathryn recovered enough to speak.

“Come.” She turned toward the viewport as she spoke so they would have to speak to her before she acknowledged their presence.

“Captain, am I disturbing you?” Kathryn was now really surprised. The voice was Tuvok's. Quickly she turned to greet him, then hesitated. Who was listening to their conversation? She glanced at his eyes with a question in hers.

“Commander. It's good to see you and no, you are not disturbing me. You'll forgive me if I don't offer you something to drink, my replicator has not been functioning properly.”

“Captain, I believe that you will find that your replicator has been repaired. If I may?” Kathryn nodded and Tuvok proceeded to obtain coffee for Kathryn and tea for himself. “Captain, I do not believe we are being monitored but I cannot be certain. I can report to you the status of most of Voyager's crew.”

“Tuvok, I am so glad to see you. Please sit down and tell me what's going on around here.”

“I have been isolated as well but not for so long as you apparently. Mr. Neelix is currently trying to convince several Starfleet dietitians to add leola root to all ships’ stores. Mr. Kim is circulating a petition to block that decision should they agree with Mr. Neelix. Starfleet Security has removed the doctor's portable emitter and all references to its technology are being erased in compliance with the Temporal Prime Directive.

"Seven and Icheb are still in isolation answering questions about the Borg. I do not believe they will be introduced to the public when Voyager's return is announced. I have also seen most of the members of Voyager's original crew. They too were isolated and questioned but most are currently working with Starfleet in reviewing the scientific and technical information we gathered.

"Everyone from engineering, especially Lieutenant Carey, is trying to explain all the enhancements and adjustments B'Elanna made to engineering and other ship's systems over the years. Off duty Mr. Carey is referring to the Starfleet engineers as ‘a bunch of narrow minded, unimaginative idiots.’ Based on that comment, I would assume that Starfleet's engineers do not understand the science behind the changes and are not quick learners even when presented with functioning applications of new information.”

“What about the Maquis members of my crew? Where are they? What aren't you telling me?”

“I have not seen them. I believe they are isolated here at Space Dock on another deck. It is likely they are also being questioned as we have been. I do not believe it is unreasonable to believe that they are being questioned in more depth.”

Kathryn and Tuvok continued their conversation through lunch and into the afternoon. Kathryn was getting yet another cup of coffee from the replicator when she realized no one had mentioned how much coffee she was drinking. She paused and pushed the emotions aside before returning to her chair.

“He is not here to count how many cups of coffee you are drinking today. If he were, he would also tell you that it is dinner time and to get something to eat.”

So much for fooling Tuvok.  Kathryn stood and returned to the viewport with unchanging stars, old familiar stars. For the first time those stars were boring.

“Do you have any idea what the last years have cost me, Tuvok?”

“I have an idea but I cannot say that I fully appreciate what you are feeling. I do know that he means more to you than you have admitted to others, to him, and possibly even to yourself.  When this is over, you will be able to tell him. For now, I believe he would want you to eat. The nearest mess hall is only two decks down and the rest of the crew will be anxious to see you.”

“You offer wise counsel, old friend. You are right. Please, will you lead the way?”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Four days later, Kathryn had her formal review for all the years in the Delta Quadrant. The list of decisions being reviewed took one hour and twenty-four minutes to read into the official record.

It took four minutes for the Review Board to confirm all but four of her decisions. They took fifteen minutes to discuss her breach of security about the Omega particle before confirming her decision. Her decision to make the Maquis part of Voyager's crew took nearly an hour before they confirmed that decision; most of that time was spent addressing her decision to appoint the Maquis captain her first officer instead of Tuvok.

The Borg alliance against species 8472 took only forty-five minutes and she was strongly urged to check her facts more thoroughly before forming an alliance with a known threat to the Federation, but in the end the Review Board confirmed her decision. That left only the Equinox incident. The senior member of the Review Board glanced at the chronometer before speaking.

“You know what happened during this incident so I will not repeat the specifics. It is this Board's unofficial opinion that there is information missing in the logs that might affect our decision. However, since there is sufficient information for us to reach a decision, we are not going to pursue that missing information.

"It is also our unofficial opinion that you were wise to listen to your first officer's advice on several points. Your actions, Captain Janeway, were clearly in violation of both the word and spirit of Federation law and Starfleet standing orders. As a result, an official reprimand is being entered into your record and you are being moved to the bottom of the promotions list. This hearing is adjourned.”

The Review Board rose as a group and all but one left the room while Kathryn stood there slightly in shock. That was all? She had expected the Equinox incident to take much longer. She barely noticed the one silent member of the Review Board approach.

“Kathryn, welcome home.” Kathryn turned and reached for his hand, but Admiral Paris pulled her into a very unofficial hug of welcome. The hug flustered Kathryn as much as the Board's decision. “I'm proud of you. I thought when you were young you would be a capable officer and you have proven me right.”

“Admiral! Thank you.” She composed herself setting aside the questions she had about the Board's decisions.

“I have your orders, Kathryn. You are technically on leave, but because Starfleet is not ready to announce Voyager's return you are confined to Space Dock. If you want to help out with the engineering team's analysis of Voyager, you are welcome to do so.”

“I'd rather find out about the rest of my crew, Admiral.”

“You mean the Maquis you brought home with you? They're fine but the Federation Council has yet to decide exactly how they want to handle them. It is my personal opinion that they are struggling to find a balance between the legal, the political, and the practical solutions. At this point it is truly out of Starfleet's hands, Kathryn. I think it will come down to political opinion and what people remember about the war with the Dominion. If you had come back during the war, I believe Voyager would have been restocked and sent to the front lines with our other ships.

"Come on, let's go to the officer's mess and I'll fill you in on the current political situation while we eat. Then you can tell me about Tom, his wife and my granddaughter. I haven't been able to see any of them yet. For the moment Starfleet is treating Tom as a Maquis even though he was on Voyager as an advisor.”

Kathryn followed Admiral Paris through the halls of Starfleet Headquarters to the officers’ mess. They talked through their meal and into the afternoon before Kathryn realized how late it had grown. She had known the general sequence of events leading up to the war with the Dominion but the Admiral had filled her in on the political maneuvering that had accompanied the war. It was also the first time she had heard the actual number of casualties, both civilian and military, and the number of ships Starfleet had lost. Once the enormity of the losses had sunk in, Kathryn finally asked the question that had been on her mind since the Review Board's decision.

“Admiral, I have a question about the Board's decision. The Board clearly thought I had violated Federation law and at least one standing order. Why only the reprimand? I'm not complaining, but the Board would have been well within precedent to drop me in rank or even discharge me from Starfleet. Are you permitted to explain this to me?”

“Officially, there was no discussion of other options. That is the one that was first proposed and after discussion was agreed to by all members of the Board. My personal opinion about the lack of alternatives is that the selected punishment is very practical. Starfleet does not have that many qualified senior officers, especially those capable of commanding star ships. Put simply, I don't think Starfleet has the luxury of losing a qualified captain.

"Now, why don't I accompany you to the transporter so you can get back to Space Dock and those two security guards who have been hovering outside the door can go off duty.”

At Kathryn's blank look, the Admiral continued as they left the officers’ mess and headed toward the transporter room. “Remember you are confined to Space Dock? Well, once you return, they will have completed their assignment. Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get you permission to visit with the Maquis members of your crew. I know I won't be able to get anyone else in to visit them before the Federation Counsel makes its decision but I might be able to get you permission to explain what is happening.”

“I would really appreciate that, Admiral. If they have done nothing except talk to investigators, they must be very concerned by now.”

“I'm not making any promises, Kathryn.”

“I know, but I appreciate your efforts even if you don't succeed.” Kathryn paused in the transporter room near a pad while the Admiral gave her destination to the operator and the clearance code authorizing the transport. “Thank you again, Admiral, for everything.”

Kathryn was somewhat surprised to find that she had been transported directly to her quarters at Space Dock rather than to a transporter room. They weren't taking any chances on her meeting anyone outside Starfleet in the public areas where civilian workers and consultants might see and recognize her. She glanced at the chronometer; it was time for dinner. She briefly considered skipping the meal but decided that Tuvok and others would be concerned about her absence. She left and headed to the mess hall before she could change her mind.

Chakotay paced the living area of the quarters he had been assigned at Space Dock. He hadn't really had much time to think during the last few days he had been on Voyager. Kathryn had ordered him to prepare numerous detailed reports when she realized Starfleet was keeping Voyager's return a secret and he had not really had an opportunity to speak with her since they entered the wormhole. He had thought for years that the reason she had not followed through with a relationship with him was protocol. While writing the report concerning her decisions he wondered if it were merely an excuse. Could she have been humoring him in case she needed his support when they reached Earth? He had accepted her explanation about protocol but did not agree that is was applicable to Voyager's situation. Now he wondered whether he had been wrong.

Starfleet had been questioning Chakotay for six days now but had asked the same questions over and over after the first three days. The always came in with a new question about this species or that anomaly, but soon were back to New Earth, the captain, the Equinox, the Borg, Seska, B'Elanna, or species 8472. By far the most questions were about the captain and New Earth and their relationship after Voyager returned for them. For a few days they even questioned him about Tuvok's role in the Maquis and especially his decision to contact the Vidiians against the captain's express orders.

Chakotay glanced at the clock – they were late this morning. It was nearly midshift and no one had arrived for the daily interrogation. Waiting was almost worse than the endless repetition of the same questions; it gave him too much time to think about the might-have-beens of his years on Voyager. Soon he would learn whether he had been right to accept Kathryn's explanations.

Three days after her hearing, Kathryn was again in a room with Starfleet's Review Board. This time the room was larger and the other attendees included all her original Starfleet crew. She was surprised to see Tom Paris with this group since he had been kept with the former Maquis since Voyager arrived at Space Dock. Kathryn wondered what they had planned, though she was not too concerned for her crew present since she knew she would have faced the most serious charges. She was quite concerned about those missing from the group – the former Maquis members of her crew.

The arrival of the Review Board broke off her thoughts about their status. She stood with the rest of the room and then took her seat as the assistant to one of the admirals on the Review Board read their decision. The name of each person was read followed by the Board's decision. The entire process took more than three hours including a few breaks to give the lieutenant a chance to rest her voice. To summarize, all commissions, promotions, demotions, changes in grade, reprimands, and commendations were confirmed. The confirmation of the field promotions meant that everyone could count their entire time on Voyager as time in rank for future promotion purposes. The final statement was that they all had thirty days leave after they were allowed to leave Space Dock, which would not be for at least a week. For the duration of their confinement, they were also officially on leave but were welcome to assist in the refit of Voyager currently underway.

After the Review Board left the room, the room erupted in cheers as they celebrated the decision. Then Harry noticed Tom standing quietly by his chair. He stopped and turned; slowly the others crew quiet and looked at Tom and the expression on his face.

“What about the others? Don't any of you care what's happening to the rest of us?”

Tom's words were like a bucket of cold water on the others. They had been so caught up in their own good news that they had forgotten that many of their friends were not included in the Review Board's decision. The group shifted its center to Tom and a few others who had become particularly close to former members of the Maquis. The voices were supportive and full of concern. Slowly the group left the room.

When they had gone, an ensign stepped up to Kathryn and told her that Admiral Paris would like her to join him for lunch. Kathryn left her chair in the corner where she had gone unnoticed by her crew and went in search of the Admiral.

Over lunch, Admiral Paris told Kathryn there was another hearing scheduled during the afternoon, or rather a series of hearings to be held sequentially, for the Maquis. He also told her that he had no idea what the results were since he had not been on that particular Review Board. He admitted that he had been surprised when Tom was part of the Starfleet group because he had been held with the Maquis.

“I'll admit, Kathryn, that I don't know what this Review Board has planned. Because Tom was in that group, I removed myself from all discussions. I was more surprised than anyone that he was with the Starfleet group this morning. I do need to warn you that you cannot say anything at this hearing. If you want to discuss any of their decisions, do it later in private and off the record.”

“I understand, Admiral, but I can make no promises.”

“You'll do them more good in private later than you can this afternoon. Remember that.”

“Yes, sir.”

Half an hour later, Kathryn watched the second part of her crew enter the smaller hearing room. Her greatest fears were realized when she finally admitted to herself that Chakotay was not part of this group. She knew this group would be all right because the wrath of Starfleet and the Federation for the deeds of all the Maquis would be placed on the broad shoulders of one man.

Kathryn was barely aware of the proceedings that afternoon and only when the final person, one B'Elanna Torres, was called did she realize that the hearing was almost over. With some part of her mind she realized that the charges against B'Elanna were lengthier and more serious than the others, so she was surprised to hear that the charges were dropped for lack of supportive evidence and her commission and commendations while on Voyager confirmed. Kathryn was relieved to finally know that Starfleet had accepted her entire crew – except for the one who most deserved their acceptance.

The celebration was more subdued with this group because they knew who was missing. B'Elanna approached Kathryn.

“Do you know where he is? We haven't seen him since he was ordered off Voyager at Space Dock.” Neither woman needed to specify the person they were talking about.

“I haven't seen him either, B'Elanna. I do know that Tom is fine. His hearing was this morning with pretty much the same results.”

“I knew he would be ok as soon as they finished with Ayala. Tom wasn't in the Maquis long enough to be charged for more than he had already been charged. Don't worry, they'll be holding Chakotay's hearing soon and then this nightmare will be over.”

"I wish it were going to be a hearing. I think it's going to be a full-blown trial for everything that was listed today and a lot of other charges only the captain of a ship would face. If they announce Voyager's return in the next 24 hours, that is exactly what they're planning. They will want to announce our return and immediately show they have not forgotten or forgiven the Maquis."

Together the women left the room to return to Space Dock. The next morning Tom woke B'Elanna to tell her that Starfleet had issued a press release announcing Voyager's return praising the captain and crew for their struggle and determination. She wondered how many found the praise hollow knowing one member of the crew was not included.

The next day Chakotay sat in his quarters eating a solitary lunch ignored by Starfleet and Voyager's crew alike. He knew from the newscasts that he had watched earlier that morning that Voyager's return had been announced and that every newscaster in the Federation was praising her captain and crew. 

Kathryn was definitely Starfleet's golden girl of the moment. He watched her face on the newscasts. Her smile was bright and her actions animated. What he did not realized until many months later was that he was watching the same two or three minutes from many angles during the press release telling the world of the first Federation citizen born in the Delta Quadrant. He did not see Naomi at Kathryn's side because the camera shots used were only about Kathryn and Voyager.

The decline in the activity outside his door later that day told Chakotay when the others left that area of Space Dock for other quarters. The long lonely hours left him too much time to think.  More and more he was beginning to believe that Kathryn had only used protocol as the excuse to avoid a relationship she did not want. The next day when he saw a tabloid leak a story about the charges he would be facing with the caption ‘She Got Her Man!’ was the day he gave up hope. Later that day, an ensign dropped off a copy of the actual charges he would be facing and advised him the hearing would begin in three days.

Kathryn sat in what she was beginning to consider her corner of the hearing room. Reporters from various news agencies filled most of the room. She was extremely surprised when the Review Board filed in and took the row of seats in front of her leaving a few to fill in next to her. Immediately after they were seated, the President of the Federation Council entered accompanied by the representatives from Earth and Vulcan, two civilian aides and one Starfleet aide.

The President of the Council spoke at length about Voyager, the Maquis and summarized Starfleet's decisions regarding Voyager's crew. He then explained that this was a hearing not a trial and that the sole purpose was to advise Chakotay of the Council's decisions regarding his actions.

The President then indicated that one of the civilian aides should begin reading the charges against Chakotay. The aide read for over an hour before the second civilian aide took over the litany. Kathryn listened to the charges as they mounted. It was well into the second hour before she realized that there was no way one person could have committed all the acts begin described. Chakotay was taking responsibility for every Maquis action. She watched him stand there, head up and face expressionless, in a uniform with no rank insignia. The aides alternated reading his charges, changing each hour. At the end of the fourth hour, the President stood and announced an adjournment for two hours. Kathryn turned to Admiral Paris to speak but he spoke first.

“Don't ask, Kathryn. I honestly don't know the answers to your questions and if I did, I couldn't tell you anyway. Now, let's get some lunch and I can tell you about the latest prank pulled by my granddaughter.” Kathryn sighed, acknowledging by her silence his answer to her unvoiced questions.

Two days later when the first ensign finished speaking in the middle of the fourth hour, the President arose and announced that all the charges had been read and that they would reconvene in three hours, at which time the decisions of the Council would be read. Kathryn stared at Chakotay's head for a long minute before turning her attention to the Admiral's latest story about Tom's children.

When Chakotay allowed himself to look in her direction, he saw her smiling at something the Admiral had said as she left the room.

During the afternoon session, the entire room was surprised to find that whole lists of charges were read off by number in large groups and summarily dismissed for one reason or another. Reasons given included lack of evidence and failure of witnesses to appear before the Council. A few were dismissed as self-defense; but when the group that Kathryn thought Chakotay might actually have been responsible for were dismissed for lack of jurisdiction, she finally realized that this was a hearing to put to rest once and for all the questions about the Maquis. She wondered whether Chakotay had realized that this was a politically driven hearing, not a legal one. She hoped so.

When the list of charges not addressed by the Counsel was down to a handful, the President rose and again addressed the gallery. He said that the remaining charges all occurred in the Delta Quadrant after Chakotay was granted a field commission by Voyager's Captain, and were therefore within the jurisdiction of Starfleet.

The lieutenant who had sat motionless for nearly three days finally rose to read Starfleet's decisions. Like the other charges, those within Starfleet's purview were summarily dismissed. Starfleet, unlike the Council, did not have to give a reason for the dismissal. Like the rest of Voyager's crew, Captain Janeway's decisions about Chakotay were confirmed. When the lieutenant was finished, the President once again stood and spoke directly to Chakotay.

“Congratulations, Commander, and welcome home.” 

The President approached Chakotay to shake his hand and hand him a pad with the transcript of the hearing. After shaking his hand, he turned to an ensign who had entered from the side door and handed the President rank pips that he pinned on Chakotay's collar. “I hope you'll seriously consider staying in Starfleet, Commander. We need more officers with your conviction and integrity.”

“Thank you, Mr. President.” Chakotay was barely able to speak. Things had dragged for weeks on end and then the reading of all the charges had dragged on for days. To have everything resolved in one afternoon was unsettling to say the least; to have the Federation Council President asking him to remain in Starfleet was unbelievable.

Once the President stepped back from Chakotay and led the others from the Council and Starfleet out of the hearing room, the press crowded around Chakotay asking for his comments about the charges and the decisions. He managed to catch a glimpse of Kathryn before she left the room. She smiled slightly and waved to him briefly before quickly turning away. The return of hope that they might have a future because of her smile faded just as quickly when she turned away.

Kathryn was in shock at the results of Starfleet's decisions. The Admiral had been quite successful at giving away nothing during their lunchtime discussions. The tears of relief in her eyes when she finally caught Chakotay's eye made her smile a little uncertain and she had to turn away quickly or she would have broken down completely with relief. When she was able to turn back to look at him again, he had turned his attention to the press. She would look him up later in the evening.

Kathryn flung the pad across the room to bounce off the couch and come to rest under the coffee table. She had moved into visiting officers’ quarters at Starfleet Headquarters and had just returned from yet another unproductive meeting with Starfleet command, at least from her perspective. She was trying to get her orders revised. Rather, she was trying to get her ship and crew revised. She had no problem with what her ship and crew were supposed to accomplish or the time frame for their assignment.

The day before Kathryn had finally received permission to tell her Voyager crew they could request to be assigned to her ship and be fairly confident of having their request granted.

Starfleet was still refusing to guarantee the approval for the senior staff. Today they had not said no; perhaps tomorrow they might finally agree – she hoped. That was the good news today. The bad news was that Starfleet was not giving her Voyager. The changes B'Elanna had made in engineering alone would keep Starfleet scientists occupied for several years. The incorporated Borg technology would take just as long to study. Voyager would be limited to research on the changes and new technology for a very long time. Kathryn finally admitted that Starfleet wanted to study the applications not just the specifications and theories behind the changes in Voyager and she was going to be on the Odyssey. A Galaxy class ship after all the years on Voyager was going to be unnerving.

Kathryn laughed softly to herself. She had kept the rest of her crew used to following the orders of their superior officers, but she had gotten sadly out of practice. The admirals whose lives she had been making miserable during the last week were being remarkably patient with her requests. She realized that part of the reason she was so frustrated was that she could not get in touch with Chakotay. She had made sure the notice about requests to be assigned to her crew had been sent to the entire Voyager crew, including Chakotay. She had thought he would be the first to submit his request; she had been wrong. She had tried during the day to track him down, but Starfleet personnel officers were nothing if not closed mouthed when it came to being helpful. All she could confirm was that he had not resigned his commission again.

Kathryn picked up the pad from the floor and put it on the table. She debated whether to eat at the officers’ mess or search out a small café near headquarters. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Here she was, finally back on Earth and she was actually considering eating in the officers’ mess. She headed to her closet to find some civilian clothes. Maybe that coffee bar was still there.

Kathryn was luxuriating in a cup of freshly brewed coffee made with freshly ground beans. It almost made up for the day's frustrations. The menu before her was extensive and contained many of her old favorite foods. She had been trying to decide what to order for twenty minutes and this was her third cup of coffee. She was in no hurry and the server did not seem to mind the delay.

Chakotay entered the small café and looked around for a table. He recognized the back of her head immediately. He only hesitated a few moments before moving to her table.

“Hi, Kathryn. Mind if I join you?” Kathryn jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Chakotay! No! No, please sit down. I haven't even ordered yet. Are you just coming or have you finished?”

“I just got here and saw you sitting back here, so I thought I would ask if I could join you.”

They exchanged small talk about the crew and changes in Starfleet. They laughed over Miral's latest antics. They talked for more than an hour over after-dinner coffee. Just as Chakotay was getting ready to ask why she had not visited him before his hearing, she spoke.

“I have my orders, Chakotay. I'm hoping you and Starfleet will agree to assign you as my First Officer.”

“Starfleet does agree. I got my orders for the Odyssey late this afternoon. They probably didn't tell you they had issued my orders because I still haven't decided whether I'll stay in Starfleet.”

“You haven't decided yet? I just assumed you would be staying in Starfleet and would want to be assigned to my ship. I'm sorry. I'll ask them to give you some time to decide.”

Kathryn was shocked and hurt. She had never even considered the possibility that he might not want to be on the Odyssey with her. Chakotay's hesitation brought home to her the fact that he might no longer care about her, so her instinct to run took over. “I'd better go. It's getting late.”

“No, Kathryn, don't go yet. Talking with you and hearing you laugh is helping me decide. Let's walk. You haven't told me about your family yet. We can take the long way back to headquarters.”

“If you're sure, then yes. I'd like that.”

Before he went to dinner, Chakotay had pretty much decided to leave Starfleet. The hours talking with Kathryn had shown him they were still best friends. He had no one on Earth or anywhere else and he knew that most of Voyager's crew staying in Starfleet had already requested the Odyssey. The real reason was that he still loved her and still didn't know how to walk away. He wasn't sure it was wise, but before they parted for the evening he knew he would be Odyssey's first officer for her next assignment.

A week later Chakotay waited in the main reception area of Starfleet Headquarters as the sun settled over the Pacific. The sunset was particularly beautiful that night, or at least it was to eyes that had seen far too few sunsets in recent years. He had no idea what Kathryn wanted but she had asked him to meet her here so here he was. His orders for the Odyssey had been finalized two days earlier and he knew that she was being readied for her next assignment in Space Dock.

“Hi.” Her voice broke through his reverie. “Beautiful, isn't it? I hadn't realized how much I had missed sunsets until we were back.”

“I know. The funny thing is I never thought too much of the sunsets here in San Francisco before. Too many buildings and people, I think. Now, are we going to talk about sunsets all evening or are you going to tell me why you wanted me to meet you.”

“Well, as much as I'd love to discuss sunsets, I thought you might like to walk over our new ship with me before the crew starts boarding.” Chakotay noticed the ‘our’ but chose to ignore it.

“The Odyssey is ready? I knew it was close to being ready to depart, but I hadn't heard any definite dates yet.”

“She's ready. The crew will receive permission in the morning to start boarding. I moved most of my things this afternoon. I wanted to walk the ship once before the crew boarded and thought you'd like to join me.”

“Can we go aboard now?”

“Yes, I received all the clearances and Odyssey's computer logged me in as her captain about an hour ago. When we get to the bridge, I'll issue the clearances making you her first officer.”

“Lead the way, Captain.”

Kathryn and Chakotay started on Deck 42 and slowly walked the major corridors of Odyssey. They compared the first deck or two to Voyager's lower decks, but soon realized that there was no way to compare the two ships because they had been built for very different purposes. As they walked through the various departments they discussed the ship, their orders and their crew.

“Has Starfleet issued more specific orders yet, Kathryn?”

“Not yet. I think they're trying to incorporate everything Voyager brought back in its databanks into our orders. All the new technology, species 8472, the Borg and the impact of Unimatrix Zero, the new information about the Omega particle in such a large quantity – all of this has them trying to write orders to cover everything we encountered and more.

"I think our final orders will have us studying the energy barrier at the edge of the Galaxy with very broad objectives. I'm hoping they give us a general area to explore and leave it to my discretion to deviate from our initial course. It will make it a lot easier for you to maintain your logs properly if you don't have to deal with a captain disobeying direct orders from Starfleet.”

“I can always leave it up to the Chief Security Officer. Who is the Chief Security Officer anyway? I haven't seen anyone listed in that position yet.”

“I've convinced Starfleet to assign Tuvok to Odyssey if he wants that position instead of a promotion, provided he decides to remain in Starfleet. When I talked to him a few days ago, he promised to have his decision to Starfleet by 12:00 tomorrow. If he doesn't accept the assignment, I have a list of eight officers more than qualified and willing to take the assignment. I thought we could go through them together if that becomes necessary.”

“What is the status of the other senior staff positions?”

“Well, the Chief Medical Officer is fairly young but well qualified. Her name is Sandra Trivedi. Her husband is a computer programmer and will be working with several departments. They have three children but only two will be on Odyssey. The other is studying at the Vulcan Science Academy. Voyager's EMH wants to be transferred to Odyssey. I will be making the final decision, but I have asked her to talk to the doctor to get to know him so she can decide whether she wants him in her sick bay.”

“Are you sure you want him along?”

“I'm sure I don't want him if his presence will upset the rest of the medical staff. I'm more concerned that she'll say to take him to please me when she has real reservations than I am that she'll say she doesn't want him on board.”

“Would you like me to talk to . . . Trivedi, was it? Maybe even take her over to Voyager to introduce them if she hasn't done that yet?”

“Do you mind?”

“Of course not. Dealing with the crew is part of my job. Speaking of which, do you have any significant changes in how you plan to run Odyssey from Voyager? Then there are housing assignments – how to you want that arranged? We never had the luxury of planning ahead and extra space on Voyager.”

“Try to keep the children on the main family sections so they are near each other and their classrooms and activity centers.  We should have enough space to accommodate everyone. With only 800 or so crew instead of the normal 1000, you shouldn't have any problems.”

“Who do you want assigned to Deck 2?”

“For now, all senior officers with no children. We can rethink that arrangement later if necessary.”

“Fine. Is if all right if I keep Deck 3 available for now and use Deck 4 for visitors and passengers?”

“Good idea about Deck 4. Who are you saving Deck 3 for?”

“For senior officers with children. I keep hoping Tom and B'Elanna will decide to come. I know it's a tough decision for Tom. He finally has his father's approval and respect. Even B'Elanna has enjoyed being part of the Paris family.”

“You're right about that. It was a very difficult decision but they finally made it a few hours ago. Tom and B'Elanna told Owen over lunch that they were going to request an assignment on Odyssey. Starfleet issued their orders a few hours ago. So, go ahead and pencil them in for Deck 3.”

Up to that point the conversation had been somewhat stilted between them, but mentioning Tom and B'Elanna seemed to lighten their mood. They both relaxed and started to enjoy their first tour of their new ship. The finally reached the bridge where Kathryn officially transferred the command codes for Odyssey's first officer to Chakotay. Then they went to inspect the ready room where they made themselves comfortable with coffee and tea while they continued their discussion.

“Have you decided on their positions yet, or will you have to follow Starfleet's preferences?”

“No, I had to yield on a few positions, but not Engineering, Helm, Security or Ops. If Tuvok doesn't accept this assignment, I'll probably go along with Starfleet's choice for Chief of Security if you agree. Since they are coming, B'Elanna is the Chief Engineer and Tom is in charge of the navigators and shuttle pilots and is the liaison between Engineering and shuttle maintenance.

"Harry is coming, but even he knows he doesn't know enough about a Galaxy class ship to be head of Ops, so he will be the second man in that department. I've already gone through the possible people for that position and narrowed the list to three. It's part of a huge file you'll be getting in the morning. I need your input on who will be the most effective person for that position – able to take command over Harry yet not resent the existing relationships transferring over from Voyager. You'll have to include Trivedi in your assessment, so you might want to try to meet her before we talk about the Ops candidates.”

Kathryn hesitated a moment to decide whether to add one more factor to the things she was landing in Chakotay's lap before continuing. 

“There's one more thing I would like you to think about. Odyssey will have a Second Officer. Even if Tuvok comes, I personally think a ship the size of Odyssey should have someone other than Chief of Security in that position. Starfleet told me I may request one of the officers assigned to Odyssey for their approval. I'm seriously considering Tom. I know it will be a challenge for him, but I think he's ready for it. I haven't even mentioned him as a possibility for that position to Starfleet. It means you two would be working more closely together than you did on Voyager. If you don't think it's a good idea, just say so because I won't put someone in that position you don't think is right for it.”

“Kathryn, you are asking for my input on a lot of things that are really the captain's decisions alone. I don't mind working with Dr. Trivedi or offering my opinions on the crew, but giving me veto over your choice of second officer is more input than I really want.”

“Look, Chakotay, Starfleet may consider this my ship and I'll definitely make the final decisions but if I learned anything on Voyager, it's that you know people and make me consider factors I might otherwise overlook. I trust your judgment and value your opinion. If you don't have complete confidence in Odyssey's second officer, you won't be able to be the first officer I need and expect you to be.”

“I still don't feel comfortable with that kind of input.”

“Well, I'll ask Starfleet for their recommendations then. If you're not completely comfortable and confident with Tom as second officer, then we'll bring in someone else.”

“I didn't mean it that way, Kathryn. I don't have a problem with Tom as second officer. I don't have a problem with anyone you request for that position or that Starfleet might assign as second officer. Look, why don't I do a report outlining the reasons Tom would be both a good choice and a poor choice for Odyssey and not make any recommendations?”

Kathryn was puzzled about this response from Chakotay. She hadn't expected him to resist providing input or making a recommendation about the second officer. There was a distance between them that she did not understand and which was totally unexpected. Although she had noticed it earlier in their tour, she had discounted it as her imagination when they had both relaxed while discussing the ship and crew. Now it was back and she didn't know why. Because she was reluctant to force a discussion about a problem before she understood its nature, she accepted the compromise offered. “Ok, if that's the best you can do.”

They continued their tour but never quite regained the relaxed camaraderie they had enjoyed earlier.

Kathryn stood staring out the viewport in her ready room. After more than two months in space on the Odyssey, she still wasn't used to the size of her ship. Standing and watching as the ever decreasing number of stars drifted by the viewport as they journeyed toward the edge of the Milky Way, she realized that she wasn't nearly as comfortable on this ship as she had been after only a few days on Voyager. If she were honest with herself, she would admit that she wasn't as comfortable with Chakotay as she had been on Voyager either.

That tension she had first noticed the evening they toured the ship was still there. While it wasn't growing and had not impacted ship's operations, she was more aware of it every day. She still did not know why that tension was there or whether Chakotay was aware of it. What she did know was that they could not continue functioning indefinitely without addressing this problem. She had postponed a confrontation with him for more than a week, giving herself the excuse that she needed to plan what to say. About ten minutes ago, she stopped lying to herself and came to her ready room before opening a link to Chakotay and asking him to join her there. When the chime sounded, she took a breath and asked him to come in.

“Thank you for coming, Commander. Can I get you anything to drink?” Kathryn was truly concerned. Here she was trying to solve the problem between them and she was treating him like a stranger instead of the dear and trusted friend that he was.

“No, thank you, Captain.” He seemed unconcerned at her formality. “What was it you wanted to see me about?”

“You don't know or have the least idea?”

“No. Should I?”

“Yes, you should. You should know exactly what I want to see you about. And that is exactly what I want to discuss with you.”

“What?” The confusion in his voice echoed the expression on his face.

“We're acting like we've only known each other for a few months. We've worked together for more than seven years. You should know exactly what is bothering me before I do. We are what is bothering me and what we need to discuss.”

“Have I not carried out my duties and your orders properly?”

“Stop it! Listen to yourself. Listen to me. We sound like strangers, Chakotay. I feel farther from you right now than I ever did on Voyager, even before we destroyed the Caretaker's array.” Chakotay finally stopped acting like the perfect first officer.

“I don't know how to act around you anymore, Kathryn. I don't know what you expect of me or who you expect me to be, and I'm not sure I want to find out. I have no idea where to start, but I think you're right – we do sound like strangers, and I never wanted us to be that, Kathryn.”

“I want my friend back and my first officer. As captain, I need them. This ship needs the best we both have to offer and without that man, I can't be the captain this ship and crew deserve.”

“I don't know if he can be here, Kathryn. I honestly don't know.”

“Is that why you were considering resigning from Starfleet and not taking this assignment?”

“No, I wasn't sure about other things. It never occurred to me that we could not function as we had on Voyager. I haven't been as comfortable on Odyssey as I was on Voyager, but I hadn't realized that you weren't either.”

“Right there is where we need to start. I didn't know whether you were bothered by this tension or if you had even noticed it. You didn't really notice how the tension was affecting me. That could never have happened on Voyager. Why is it happening now? Is it anything to do with why you did not want to take this assignment?”

“My reasons for hesitating about this assignment were personal. I had hoped they would become moot, but they haven't. Either way, I didn't think they would affect how we worked together or I would never have accepted the assignment. It seems I was wrong about my reasons becoming moot and not affecting the way we work together.”

“We never had personal problems that kept us from working together on Voyager. Maybe if we can sort out your personal problems our problem will go away.”

“Kathryn, my personal problem is our problem.” At her confused look, he continued, “We are my problem.”

“I don't think I understand.”

“That's part of the problem, too. You don't understand me. Yes, you know me. You know my moods, my strengths and weaknesses. You know how I think, my values, and how I react to people and situations. But at some level you don't understand me.”

“Then try to explain what I don't understand. We need to work this out.”

“I know we do, but I don't know whether I can explain. I tried once and at some level you understood what I was saying. I know why you couldn't discuss it then but I always thought when we got back to Earth we would talk, but we never did. Then you didn't show up until after that trial the Federation Council staged. When you did, you were all involved in this mission and getting the crew back together.”

“Starfleet wouldn't let me talk to you, Chakotay. I was isolated until after my hearing which ended just a few days before your trial. I didn't see any of the crew until a day or two before their hearings. I couldn't come.”

“Your hearing? They had you up for review?”

“Review and charges, Chakotay. I was the only one on Voyager who received any sanctions from Starfleet.”

“You're serious, aren't you? They really placed sanctions on you?”

“Yes, they did. I have a reprimand in my file and I was placed at the bottom of the promotions list, but that didn't bother me too much.”

“I had no idea. No one said anything.”

“Well, it's not exactly something I casually throw out in a conversation. I think Tom and B'Elanna know from Owen, but no one else even thought to ask until you did just now. Unofficially, Starfleet told me to be glad I had you as my exec because you were a good one and had probably saved my career. I always was glad to have you beside me, Chakotay. That's why I wanted you on Odyssey and why I want us to get back to where we were.”

“I don't think I can go back, Kathryn. I need to go forward, but I don't know whether you want to do that and I can't go alone. There has been a ‘we’ since the day we met and I guess it's time to find out exactly what that means.”

“You want to know what I feel but are afraid to ask. I want to know whether your feelings have changed but I am afraid to ask. All right. Who goes first?”

“I will. I mean I will answer first. It's nothing I haven't told you before. I love you. It's that simple and that complicated. I understand why you put the ship first all those years and I was more than willing to accept your decision even though I didn't think it was necessary. When we finally reached Earth, I thought there would be a chance for us to talk, to decide whether it was too late to see if we could have a future together. I knew there was a possibility that you had used the ship and crew as an excuse to keep me at a distance rather than risk upsetting the balance we had worked out by telling me you had no feelings for me beyond friendship.

"That's why I was considering not taking this assignment. I wasn't sure I could continue working with you if you didn't return my feelings. When we were talking that evening, the problems seemed to go away. Since the only way we could have a future was if we were actually together, I accepted this assignment.

"I was trying very hard to maintain a professional distance so I tried not to presume on the years we shared aboard Voyager or on our friendship. Looking back, that might have been the start of the tension that has been bothering you. You were expecting your exec from Voyager and I was trying not to be him. I'm sorry.”

While Chakotay had been speaking he had kept his eyes on his hands but he had heard Kathryn move to the viewport. He raised his head and watched her standing and staring at the stars. He rose and walked up behind her. “Your turn now.”

Kathryn turned, wrapped her arms around him and buried her tear-streaked face in his chest. “I love you so much. I've been so afraid that I'd killed all the things you once felt for me. Maybe I should have told you this the night we walked, but I was afraid to push too much for a future together. Starfleet pounded on me about our relationship before my hearing. It was the focus of all their questions but they never mentioned it at the hearing. All those questions made me feel like loving you was dirty or wrong, but no more.

"One thing I made perfectly clear to Starfleet before I took this assignment and requested you as my first officer was that if you still loved me I was not turning you away again. I put my personal life on hold once for my ship and her crew, but once was my limit. When I learned you might not take this assignment, I sent a letter to Admiral Paris to hold for me. It's my resignation from Starfleet but it's not effective until five minutes after your resignation from Starfleet is effective. If you had left, I would have followed you.

"Then when the tension started, I was afraid to say anything. I kept waiting for it to go away and for us to relax the way we did on Voyager. It never did; it only got worse. I am so glad it's over.” Chakotay held her tightly while she spoke. Her tears had dried when she finally looked up at him. “Where do we go from here?”

“We go forward. Let's take. . .” he never finished.

“No, do not say 'let's take it slowly.' We've been more than seven years getting this far. We have taken it slowly far too long. I'm not saying we should rush ourselves, but I refuse to go slowly. I love you. I have for years. I don't need more time to decide whether I want to pursue a relationship with you because I already know I do. That is unless you still have reservations.”

“No, no reservations here, but let's take it one step at a time though, ok?”

“OK.” She was not pleased with the one step at a time idea -- it sounded suspiciously like 'slowly.'

“Good. Now the first step is a hug. We just did that one. Next step is our first kiss.” He leaned down to kiss her gently before deepening it to near passion. She responded willingly and let him know she was disappointed when he broke the kiss.

"That's done. Let's see. Dinner is next I think. Would you join me for dinner tonight?”

“Of course.”

“Good, my place at 19:00. Dress casually. Oh, and bring a toothbrush in case we take a few more steps after dinner. Right now, I think we need to practice that second step some more.” Odyssey's captain was more than happy to follow the orders of her first officer as she breathed her response through their second kiss.

“Chakotay, I think we're finally home.”